A drunk man’s words are a sober man’s thoughts.
Beer is now cheaper than gas, do drink, don’t drive!
Of course I am gonna drive. I am too drunk to walk.
My boss didn’t know I drank, till one day I came to work sober.
If the ocean was vodka and I was a duck I’d swim to the bottom and never come up. But the ocean’s not vodka and I am not a duck so pass me a bottle and shut the f**k up!
A drunk man never tells a lie.
I swear to Drunk, I’m not God!
I only drink alchohol on days that end in y…
Whiskey is risky but it makes the girls frisky.
Lips that touch liquor touch other lips quicker…
I use to think drinking was bad, so I stop thinking
I drink to make other people more interesting.
– Ernest Hemingway
Everybody has to believe in something. I believe I’ll have another drink.
Life is a waste of time, time is a waste of life, so get wasted and the time of your life!
I only drink on 2 occasions when I’m thirsty and when I’m not.
24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case, coincidence? I think not.
Act single, see double, drink triple
I went on a diet, stopped smoking dope, cut out the drinking and heavy eating, and in fourteen days I lost two weeks.
DRINK TO FORGET BUT NEVER FORGET TO DRINK!
When I drink alcohol…everyone says I’m alcoholic but When I drink Fanta…no one says I’m fantastic.
Money can’t buy you happiness but it can buy you alcohol.
I drink because I work, I work so I can drink.
When life gives you lemons; ask for tequila and salt
Alcoholism and drug addiction are killer of mental and physical health. Alcoholic and drug addicts are killing themselves slowly.
– Dr T.P.Chia
Good friends make the world go round, but good beer makes the room go round.
4 beers-20 dollars
2 martini’s 19 dollars
6 jello drops-12 dollars
1 shot of grey goose-6 dollars
taking home 2 hot girls who just drank all of the above:
PRICELESS
Don’t cry over spilled milk…it could have been beer!
Nothing in life is absolute only vodka
Nothing lasts forever so live it up, drink it down, laugh it off.
I swear to drunk I’m not god.
I’m not an alcoholic…I just go to the meetings to meet new drinking buddies!!
Alcohol aint the answer but it makes you forget the question !
A police officer said to a man “son your eyes looked red have you been drinking?”
Response from the man “gee officer your eyes looked glazed have you been eating doughnuts?”
Beer is the cause and solution to all of life’s problems!
– Homer Simpson
Ociffer you hass too listening to me, I swear to drunk I am not god!
A man’s true character comes out when he’s drunk.
– Charlie Chaplin
We’re all addicted to something that takes away the pain.
Whiskey and Beer are a man’s worst enemies… But the man that runs away from his enemies is a coward!
Alcoholism is a thief of health, mental sanity and human dignity.
– Dr T.P.Chia
I could spend 50 bucks on a guitar or I could buy 2 cases of beer and play the air guitar.
Dear alcohol, We had a deal where you would make me funnier, smarter, and a better dancer… I saw the video… we need to talk.
Alcoholism is a disease that creates temporary madness and insanity. Drug addiction is a disease that destroys health and humanity.
– Dr T.P.Chia
I don’t have a drinking problem, it’s you who have a problem with my drinking.
Reality is a crutch for people who can’t handle drugs.
Alcohol: Some Of The Best Times You’ll Never Remember = )
You ask if the glass is half empty or half full,
I ask “Are you gonna finish that beer?”
Never drink on an empty head
D.A.M.M- Drunks Against Mad Mothers
Save Water…Drink Beer
Reality is merely an illusion caused by a lack of alcohol
Im not as think as you drunk I am
He was so sober he had blood in his alcohol stream
A drunk mans words are a sober mans thoughts.
Let’s get drunk, make mistakes & blame it on the alcohol.
Reality: an illusion due to lack of alcohol
Why do you need a Driver’s License to buy Liquor when you Can’t Drink and Drive?
Drink triple, see double, and act single.
Rehab is for quiters
This may be the beer talking, but I love beer.
Alcohol doesn’t solve any problems, but then againm neither does milk.
He who drinks gets drunk, he who gets drunk goes to sleep, he who goes to sleeps doesn’t sin, he who doesn’t sin goes to heaven, so lets all drink n we all go to heaven!!! Order from above.
You know your drunk when you call your friend on your phone and tell him you can’t find your phone.
People say I have a drinking problem…
i have no problem…
i drink,
i get drunk,
i pass out,
NO PROBLEM!!
Alcohol may be man’s worst enemy, but the Bible says love your enemy.
– Frank Sinatra
I feel sorry for people who don’t drink, because when they wake up in the morning it is going to be the best feeling they experience the whole day!
Vodka and ice = bad for you liver
Whiskey and ice = bad for your heart
Scotch and ice = bad for your brain
Dammit, the ice ruins everything!
My doctor put an insect in a glass of alcohol, it died – He asked me, what do you learn from this???
I replied, “Alcohol kills germs inside the tummy.”
Make it a night you won’t forget, not one you can’t remember.
The secret of being honest as an Angel is by being drunk as Hell!!!
Why am I so thirsty? when I drank so much last night?
I’m only here for one… Better make it a pitcher.
When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.
– Henny Youngman
The existence of Beer is proof that God loves us.
– Benjamin Franklin
I don’t have a drinking problem.
I drink,
I get drunk,
I pass out,
NO PROBLEM!
I can’t afford vacation, so I am just going to drink until I don’t know where I am.
The drunk tongue speaks for the sober heart
If drinking and driving is illegal…then why do bars have parking lots?
I went to bed drunk and happy, I woke up tired and hurting…Obviously sleep is a bad thing.
Good girls are made of sugar and spice…But me and my girls are made outta vodka and ice.
Alcohol – Because no great story every started with someone eating a salad.
One drink is too many
and a thousands not enough
Alchohal Brings Out The Inner Retard In All Of Us…
When life hands you lemons grab the tequila and salt and call me over!
I don’t drink anymore.
I don’t drink any less either.
Life has many choices… Whiskey… Vodka.. Rum.. Gin.. Beer.. Which one did you Choose????
Drinking and having fun every Saturday and Friday nights is NOT a bad habit,drinking on a Monday morning IS.
I’m not an alcoholic…it’s just called being fun.
They say so many people die because of alcohol. Perhaps they never realized how many of them are born because of it.
If I’m not good enough for you, then you’re not drunk enough for me.
First you take a drink, then the drink takes a drink, then the drink takes you.
If you know someone who tries to drown their sorrows, you might tell them sorrows know how to swim.
– Ann Landers
Alcohol doesn’t solve any problems, neither does the milk.
The drunken man speaks the honest truth.
I was so drunk that I fell off the floor.
Time is never wasted when you’re wasted all the time.
– Catherine Zandonella
My idea of a balanced diet is a beer in each hand
keep it on guys ………
What does sober mean?
I’m not an alcoholic, I only drink two times a year. On my birthday and when it’s not my birthday.
People drink to get rid of the pain they are going through. Some drink and hope when they close their eye that they will never be awake to feel the pain.
Don’t drink and drive, you might hit a bump and spill your drink.
Listen, I’m not an alcoholic, alcoholics go to meetings. I’m a drunk, we go to parties.
Sometimes when I reflect back on all the beer I drink I feel ashamed. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the brewery and all of their hopes & dreams. If I didn’t drink this beer, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. Then I say to myself, ‘It is better that I drink this beer and let their dreams come true than to be selfish and worry about my liver.’
– Jack Handey
Tequila… Making ugly men look good since the 16th century.
You drink, get drunk, party hard, get hangover the next morning, then you decide not to drink again, but as your system starts running up and fine, you do it again. That’s how human nature works.
I only drink on two days when it rains & when it doesn’t.
The first glass is for myself, the second for my friends, the third for good humor, and the forth for my enemies.
– William Temple
I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence, or insanity to anyone, but they always worked for me.
– Hunter S. Thompson
If you start talking to the beer bottle you’re drunk, if the beer bottle talks back you’re WASTED!
If water is the universal solvent, then beer is the universal solution!
An alcoholic is someone you don’t like who drinks as much as you do.
– Dylan Thomas
Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
I have a drinking problem… I can’t find my beer.
I stopped drinking, but only when I sleep.
The whole world is about three drinks behind.
– Humphrey Bogart
Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water.
– W. C. Fields
It takes skill to be a great drunk, how else can you fall out of a tent and roll around and not spill a single drop of your beer?
I stopped drinking for a while, Then I woke up
Cant sing.
Can’t dance.
Too fat to fly.
So I drink…
In loving memory.
I spent half my money on gambling, alcohol and wild women. The other half I wasted.
– W. C. Fields
Yea I Have a drinking problem. 2 hands 1 mouth no beer!!!!!!
Drink more beer, give a fat girl a chance.
This is one of the disadvantages of wine: it makes a man mistake words for thought.
– Samuel Johnson
Rehab is for Quitters!
Drinking alone is the beginning stage of alcoholism.
I like whiskey. I always did, and that is why I never drink it.
– Robert E. Lee
They speak of my drinking, but never think of my thirst.
One tequila, two tequila, three thequila FLOOR! Get back up and drink some more!!!
And then alcohol said “Put that on Facebook, it’s hilarious”. But alcohol was wrong, so very wrong.
That’s the problem with drinking if something bad happens you drink in an attempt to forget; if something good happens you drink in order to celebrate; and if nothing happens you drink to make something happen.
One reason I don’t drink is that I want to know when I am having a good time.
– Nancy Astor
I feel sorry for people who don’t drink cause I know the only feeling they will have better than me is when they wake up in the morning.
I’ll drink responsibly when there is a brand of vodka named Responsibly.
I drink to forget, but I can’t remember why.
They advise me not to drink every day, so I just do it every night.
Let’s go drink until we can’t feel feelings anymore!
As we say in Ireland: let us drink until the alcohol in our systems destroys our livers and kills us.
– all from Family Guy, the drunkest show on TV
Either give me more wine or leave me alone.
– Rumi
Drinking and Driving is so dangerous. Yesterday I hand signaled to turn and some guy stole my beer.
A drunken mind, speaks a sober heart.
I drink to forget I drink.
– Joe E. Lewis
I don’t have a drinking problem. I’m just really thirsty.
When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk, we fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin. When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. So, let’s all get drunk and go to heaven!
You know you are drunk when you think the bartender is making your drinks weaker.
Beer is proof God loves us, and wants us to be happy.
There is no such thing as strong drink – only weak men.
I don’t make enough money to go on vacation, so I’m just going to get drunk this weekend until I don’t know where I am.
I only drink on three days; Saturdays; Sundays and Weekdays
Alcohol has cost many lives…but let’s not forget how many it has created.
Don’t try to drown your sorrows with alcohol, your sorrows can swim.
The consumption of alcohol may cause pregnancy.
A fine beer may be judged with only one sip, but it’s better to be thoroughly sure.
When you’re drunk, you notice the Earth really spins.
Drink till she looks cute…!!
Get drunk and laugh at the world
I love cooking with wine. Sometimes I even put it in the food.
– W.C. Fields
When the whiskey goes in the truth comes out.
Alcohol is not the answer to every question…
but it helps us to forget every question…
I never drink unless I’m alone or with somebody.
Taking drugs to solve problems is like cleaning your room and putting all the extra stuff in the closet. You can’t see it anymore, but it’s still there.
I’m not a alcoholic I’m a drunk alcoholics go 2 meetings
A woman drove me to drink and I never had the decency to thank her.
– W.C. Fields
You call me an alcoholic but I call it a damn good time.
Alcohol – Some of the best times you’ll never remember.
I am not drunk, just chemically imbalanced.
OH Liquor, OH Liquor. Can’t you make me drunk quicker?
It’s a night to remember, if you can’t remember it…
A L C _ H _ L
Sometimes alcohol is the answer.
Alcohol is the answer.
What was the question?
Beer doesn’t make you fat, it makes you lean… On things like chairs, tables, and other people.
Beer before liquor, never been sicker. Liquor before beer, you’re in the clear.
Alcohol doesn’t solve your problems but then again, neither does milk.
You’re not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.
– Dean Martin
Cigarettes and coffee: an alcoholic’s best friend.
– Gerard Way
Blondes have more fun, but redheads remember it the next day
Alcohol is not for sale to under 18 years, they get it free.
Yes, I have a drinking problem, which is only solved by drinking.
I only drink alcohol when I am alone or with someone else.
I don’t have a drinking problem… The glass lifts up just fine thank you.
Alcohol is not a solution, but a temporary escape from reality.
5 Rules of Alcohol
1. Open bar is a dangerous game. Respect it.
2. Vodka can be mixed up with anything. Even more vodka.
3. Tequila changes people.
4. If you do something really stupid, never say that you are drunk. Unless you’re not.
5. If he/she’s still ugly after the 7th beer, give up.
I don’t have a drinking problem… I’m actually quite good at it.
The liver is evil and must be punished.
I don’t drink anymore, but no less either
Drinking and Driving is the real deal, I drink but never drive…probably because my mom, dad, and 3 brothers where killed by a drunk driver coming from the party I was at…
Drink like a fish.
Smoke like a chimney..
Tomorrow is another day..
If your drinking to forget than please pay us in advance.
The hard part about being a bartender is figuring out who is drunk and who is just stupid.
– Richard Braunstein
Drink with modesty, but never drink with anger.
Over the Lips and Over the Gums Watch out Stomach Here it Comes.
Save water, drink beer!
A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.
Always remember that I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me.
– Winston Churchill
Im not as think as you drunk I am
Stay busy, get plenty of exercise, and don’t drink too much. Then again, don’t drink too little.
– Herman Smith- Johannsen
A man who exposes himself when he is intoxicated, has not the art of getting drunk.
– Samuel Johnson
Better belly burst than good liquor be lost.
– Jonathan Swift
A night to never forget is one you can hardly remember.
Everything’s better with some wine in the belly.
– George R.R. Martin
I don’t have a drinking problem, I have no problem with drinking
Alcohol can kill the one’s you love. Trust me I would know, its the devil in drinkable form.
Beer will save the world…I don’t know how..but it will.
Who says I drink.. I am just helping poor people working in alcohol factories.
I take my alcohol medicine everyday.
A drunk mind speaks TRULY…!
A meal without wine is like a day without sunshine, except that on a day without sunshine you can still get drunk.
– Lee Entrekin
I only drink a little, but when I do, I turn into another person, and that person drinks a lot.
Dear Alcohol – You’ve always been there for me, you wipe my memory when I’m sad, you make that girl down the hall look rad, you landed me in jail twice, but were there when I got bailed out ready on ice, you are taking away the worthless years of my life, killing my liver and helping me ignore my wife. Without you life is an endless road, a life better with sober people is such a load, we both know, in the end, we will be together. So pour me a shot, kick it with beer, lets have another amazing night, it’s only us here.
I get a lot more from alcohol than alcohol gets from me.
She has many rare and charming qualities, but Sobriety is not one of them.
– Jane Austen
If drinking and driving is against the law, why do they have parking at clubs and pubs?
Always do sober what you said you’d do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.
– Ernest Hemingway
Don’t drink and drive – accidents cause people!
The privilege of drinking with friends is that, we can talk nonsense all the time… & the best thing is that nonsense is understood, discussed & respected… Cheers !!!
Alcohol is the sweet poison having benefits less than harm.
Love you lots like vodka shots but not as much as tequila.
No one respects age unless it’s bottled.
As I poured myself yet another glass of wine. After many. It occurred to me that I don’t have a drinking issue. No no. Only those who do not drink have a drinking issue.
Alcohol is necessary for a man so that he can have a good opinion of himself, undisturbed be the facts.
– Finley Peter Dunne
One solution to all problems “Alcohol”.
Boss. Sorry I can’t come to work today. I woke up this morning and hurt my hand trying to get the cap off my breakfast!
Beauty is in the eye of the beerholder.
Whatever the questions is, Liquor Is The Answer.
Beer makes you feel the way you should feel without beer.
Beer is better than a woman… It’s always there for you, never disappoints, always makes you feel good and doesn’t care if you drink out of another beer.
Don’t drink and drive because you might get hit by a blimp and spill your drink. And that’s bad.
Hand me another shot, you’re still ugly.
Boy: What is the secret to a long life?
Wise one: The secret to a long life is don’t drink, don’t smoke, and don’t overeat. The secret to a happy life is a whole different story!
I only drink on two occasions, when I’m thirsty and when I’m not.
In the eye of a drunk, no one is ugly.
Don’t drink and drive… But then again don’t read and drive.
A gOOd FrIenD sEes U DruNk aNd TaKeS uR dRiNK aWaY … BUt A tRuE fRiEnD sEes you StUnbLiN nD sAys you bEttEr ChUgg ThAt… YoU kNOw We don’t WaStE!!!!
They have warning labels on alcohol for women who are pregnant.. Where is the one that says this bottle could lead you to pregnancy?
I’m not drunk, I’m just exhausted from drinking all night.
Half drunk is waste of money.
I am not drunk, I’m just chemically off- balanced…
If I don’t drink and drive, how will I get home?
Everybody’s got to believe in something. I believe I’ll have another beer.
– W.C. Fields
Life is too short to stay sober.
You must be drunk cos I can see 3 of you.
I don’t drink anymore – Now I freeze it and eat it.
Electricity is actually made up of extremely tiny particles called electrons, that you cannot see with the naked eye unless you have been drinking.
– Dave Barry
The only bad thing about drinking and driving is the trees defend themselves really well.
Who needs beer goggles, I got vodka binoculars!!!
Don’t Drink And Drive . Give Me The Drink And Drive Me Home
Let ethanol make you more interesting.
AA? My mom didn’t raise a quitter.
Don’t blame alcohol for drunk driving…blame the person who invented the wheel!
Drinking beer is not my habit, its my hobby.
Who is this moderation I am supposed to be drinking with?
According to me, a balanced diet is having a BEER in each hand.
I’m sotaly tober.
You know you’re drunk when you lose arguments with yourself.
Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no water, a vital ingredient in beer.
As a cure for worrying, work is better than whiskey.
Beer… Because it makes me feel good and you look better.
I’m not drunk I’m just holding onto your lawn so I don’t fall of the earth.
I say when I drink what I think when I’m sober
Only when you are drunk can your true creative side be seen.
Whiskey is a great drink ? It makes you see double and feel single.
Prohibition may be a disputed theory, but none can say that it doesn’t hold water.
– Thomas L. Masson
I do not get drunk, I get awesome.
If you want to know the truth about you, you get drunk or get other people drunk.
When Wine Goes in Wisdom Comes Out.
Alcohol, because nothing good started with someone having a salad.
Work is the curse of the drinking class.
Life is better when you are drunk.
I don’t get drunk, I get AWESOME!!
I’m gonna fight you with one hand. But if you spill my beer, I’m using both.
Go ahead, drink and drive, the police is to your left, the hospital it to your right and the morgue is further up the road.
I can’t remember the last time I was arrested for drunk and disorderly…….. I was too drunk……
He who drinks gets drunk
He who gets drunk falls asleep
He who falls asleep does not sin
He who does not sin goes to heaven
So let us all drink and go to heaven ……
Great love affairs start with Champagne and end with tisane.
– Honore de Balzac
I was sober, but then I woke up
Love makes the world go round. Alcohol makes it go twice as fast.
Life is too short to drink cheap beer.
Alcohol does not make you fat – it makes you lean… Against tables, chairs, floors, and ugly people.
I don’t have a drink problem…I can go all day without it…I just need it at night that’s all.
“Wine is a grand thing,” I said. “It makes you forget all the bad.”
– Ernest Hemingway
The Surgeon General advises that smoking is bad for your health,that’s why I drink.
I Have No Drinking Problems.
I Drink … I Get Drunk … I Fall Down … No Problem :- )
I make wine disappear. What’s your superpower?
Of course size matters, no one wants a small glass of wine.
You know you’re wasted when you’re looking in the mirror, and can’t figure out what the heck you’re looking at.
Alcohol is not a right, but a privilege that comes with responsibility and self-control.
Its good to leave alcohol, its not good to not know where you left it!
What time doesn’t cure, alcohol hides the pain.
Alcohol causes you forget stuff and some other things a don’t remember!
Now I lay me down to sleep with a vodka bottle at my feet. If I die before I wake. Tell my friends I drank it straight.
Good thing I drove last night, I was way too drunk to walk home.
I’m very serious about no alcohol, no drugs. Life is too beautiful.
– Jim Carrey
I have come to the conclusion that the solution to all of life’s problems can’t be found at the bottom of a beer glass. However, I’m going to keep checking just in case I’m wrong.
I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an olive in it.
– Rodney Dangerfield
My father always said- “the day I can’t do my job drunk will be the day I hand in my badge and gun”.
Drinking alcohol makes you an alcoholic, drinking fanta makes you fantastic.
Drink and think but don’t think and drink
You know you’re drunk when you take a big shot with the lid still on.
People say I have an alcohol problem, and I say if there is still alcohol there is no problem.
Alcohol makes me brave.
It does not matter if the glass is half empty or half full, clearly there’s room for more alcohol.
Whisky Is A Brilliant Invention…One DOUBLE and people starts feeling SINGLE Again…:P
So much the worse for those who fear wine, for it is because they have some bad thoughts which they are afraid the liquor will extract from their hearts.
– Alexandre Dumas
There’s no beer in heaven, we might as well drink it here.
In alcohol’s defense I’ve done some pretty dumb sh*t while completely sober too.
There’s nothing wrong with my liver as its been preserved in alcohol.
You look like I could use a drink!
One only reveals ones true personality when drunk.
I only drink occasionally but everyday seems like my birthday.
When you start taking pictures of yourself drinking. You need help.
I thought that alcohol was just for special occasions but people use it just to dull the pain.
My favorite drink is whiskey and sofa.
Just give me the alcohol and nobody gets hurt.
I drink till I can’t see any more.i drink till I can’t walk. I drink till I hit the floor.i drink till I am sick. Then I still get up and drink some more
Give a man a beer and another beer and another beer and here fishy fishy. Give me another beer.
To alcohol…The cause and solution to all of life’s problems.
Alcohol is the best thing that has ever been invented. (:
Drinking makes the mind go sober.
I have a drinking problem, two hands and just one mouth.
If I knew that I was going to this thirsty today I would’ve drunk even more last night.
People make peace easily with their enemies when they are drunk.
Alcohol makes you feel like you’re a breeze in life, it’s there to make the bad things go away for just a second but you always come back to reality and find yourself alone without a life.
I don’t drunk with dance people!
No police officer I don’t drink and drive it’s illegal… I drive and drink!
She only drinks when she’s awake and then only on those days that end in Y. I’ve never seen her drunk enough to fall off the floor. Where’s the problem here?
There’s too much blood in my alcohol system.
Bob, that quote is both daft and wrong the correct one is:
When life gives you lemons, bring on the tequila! :D
Step aside coffee this is a job for alcohol.
I don’t need rehab…I need refill.
I’m lost. Please take me to the nearest BAR.
A drink is when your mind says yes, but your liver says no!!!
I have a drinking problem, two hands, one beer, that’s the problem.
Take me down to the bar! We’ll drink breakfast together!
– W.C. Fields
Man, being reasonable, must get drunk; the best of life is but intoxication.
– Lord Byron
You know you are drunk, when you walk into a door you didn’t see.
You know you are drunk, when you wake in the morning and don’t know what you did the night before.
When life gives you lemons, break out the tequila and salt!
Is the glass is half empty or half full?
Who cares? Just drink the beer and move on with life!
Drinking is gross BUT I FEEL HOTT WHEN I DO IT
The first thing in the human personality that dissolves in alcohol is dignity.
Think 2 drink, drink 2 think
Liquor, beer, and vodka make the world a nicer place. People can’t stop laughing, all the fat ugly girls get laid, and the world keeps spinning round. And round and round.
When I’m drunk and I say I love you, I’m referring to beer. Don’t take this the wrong way but I need some time with beer. Beer goes away, but you…you stay here forever.
If your date ain’t what you expected, drink till she is!!
Men hang out in bars for one of two reasons: Either they have no wife to go home to, or they do.
The true cost of alcohol is not just in the physical damage it causes, but also in the emotional and psychological toll it takes.
Wine is sunlight, held together by water.
– Galileo Galilei
This is an old Danish saying
We toast to our friends and those we know. And those we do not know, them we toast with.
I drink it when I’m happy and when I’m sad. Sometimes I drink it when I’m alone; when I have company I consider it obligatory. I trifle with it if I’m not hungry and drink it when I am. Otherwise I never touch it – unless I’m thirsty.
– Madame Lily Bollinger
I don’t sleep, I pass out.
My drinking team has a hockey problem.
Dear friend: I have been thinking and drinking until finally I realized something REALLY important and that’s I like drinking
I don’t drink and drive, I drink as I drive.
Let him get drunk…And later, he will confess the truth.
I’m not drunk I’m just holding on to the lawn so I don’t fall off the earth.
My doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror.
– Rodney Dangerfield
I don’t drink and drive… I drive in between sips!!
Happy hour is any hour with vodka.
My grandfather is over 80 years old and doesn’t need glasses; he drinks straight from the bottle!
Party all night, drink all day maybe that would make the hangover go away.
The only time I ever enjoyed ironing was the day I accidentally got gin in the steam iron.
– Phyllis Diller
A day without beer is like a day without sun.
Drinking solves my drinking problem.
Alcohol makes everything better!! SOUTH CAROLINA GIRLS, do it big or go home.
…..Whisky Is Risky…..
When I drink… I feel like I’m a KING of the biggest KINGS in the world!
The more I drink, the more my hands are shaking. The more my hands are shaking the more I spill. The more I spill the less I drink. That way: the more I drink the less I drink.:)
A good friend takes your drink away and says, “You’ve had enough.” But a TRUE friend gives you another drink and yells, “YOU BETTER CHUGG THIS CUZ WE AIN’T TRASHED YET!!”
Even on bier, I’d still have my beer!
A beer in hand is worth four in the fridge.
I don’t drink to get drunk…I drink to get awesome.
You never know what you’re missing until you start drinking alcohol.
I wasn’t drinking, I wasn’t drunk, I wasn’t even there, that’s my story and I’m sticking to it.
In vino veritas – in wine there is truth.
I used to have a drinking problem, I didn’t drink enough.
Drink until you fall over and then you lay and drink…
10% accidents are because of drunk drivers. Think wisely about rest 90%.
My doctor says my alcohol level is dangerously low.
I’m not musician with a drinking problem, I’m a drinker with a music problem.
I have all day sober to Sunday up!
Drink driving isn’t a crime it’s only a crime if you spill it!
You can call us alcoholics if you want, but we call it a damn good time!
I only drink on two occasions, first when it’s raining and second when it’s not.
A beer a day keeps the salary away.
Alcohol is not a solution to stress, but a source of additional problems.
Whats the officer problem?
I am on a ALCOHOL DRINKING DIET so when I see ALCOHOL I have to DRINK.
Im too drunk to notice what im doing, so ill think about it later.
Son, we found blood in your alcohol stream…
11. Thou shall not spilleth thy beer.
A man is a fool if he drinks before he reaches the age of 50, and a fool if he doesn’t afterward.
– Frank Lloyd Wright
God is great.
Beer is good.
People are crazy.
2 beers 1 mouth, Bring out the funnel.
I love you almost as much as I love alcohol… ALMOST…
Beer is your true friend, always there…always available.
I need a beer… Actually.. Make it a case.
I am being sober in moderation…
No matter how far you go down the right road, you can always turn around and go to the dance bar and get some beer.
If vodka was drama in our school we would all be wasted =]
A real man is a woman’s best friend. He will never let her down. He will comfort her after a bad day. He will inspire her to do things she never thought she could do. He will enable her to express her deepest emotions. He will enable her to be confident, sexy, seductive and invincible. No, wait, sorry, I’m thinking of wine. It’s wine that does all that. Never mind.
To some it’s a six-pack, to me it’s a “support group”.
– Leo Durocher
You now you’re drunk when you pour the beer down you’re through because you are lying on your back and can’t lift your head.
I swear to drink, I didn’t god tonight, ossifer!
An addict’s biggest flaw is in denial, till you admit your wrongdoings for everything else will be your biggest and most deadly flaw.
Mom tells me not to drink in the morning, I say it’s always night time somewhere in the world.
I haven’t drank since the funnel was invented!
Too much of any liquor makes a fool of any man. Wine should make the heart rejoice not feel remorse.
Tequila..all the answers are at the end of the bottle!
Rum- Regularly Used Medicine.
I only had one officer Mr. Peg.
Me: Yes officer is anything wrong?
Officer: No I was just wondering if you have any beer left??
Me: Yes we do.. But you have to fix my DUI
Officer: Give me the beer
This really happen but he never fixed my DUI
I’m gonna get drunk and let my car drive me home!
Take me drunk im home !
I only drink on 1 occasion……….always.
It not a night to remember if you can’t remember it
If your beer hits the floor,
send your girl out the door.
I drink to forget that I smoke.
I did not drink your acohol, I only tasted your liquor.
When I feel alone…there is only one thing in my mind and that is beer.
I’m on a diet, I only drink on days ending in y now.
Don’t talk to me if you can’t buy me a drink.
I sometimes drink to be able to tolerate those around me who don’t.
– Robert Ruffer
To beer or not to beer shakesbeer
A question stuck into my mind, that is there any bar in the hell?
Take me drunk, I am home!!
I drink so that I cannot lie
“but why is all the rum gone?!?!?!”captin jack sparrow
A drinker’s thoughts are the real face of a gentle person.
A drunkards blood should be examined very well by the doctor before donor.who knows his blood may be 75% alcoholic
Vodka . . . Like water, only better.
I have an alcohol problem…problem is, I can’t get enough of the stuff.
Every time I see my wife, she reminds me of the mistake I committed … Marrying her and not my glass of beer.
Nothing is impossible when you’re drunk.
Let’s face it – no great story ever started with someone eating a salad.
The magnetic fields in the Earth must be Drunk if it makes the World spin
.
You know you’ve had too much beer when you run out. You’ve had too little if you can afford to buy more.
Draft beer, not soldiers.
I’m sotally tober ossifer!!
I quit drinking ! Now I freeze it and eat it!
I don’t have a drinking problem, I have a being sober problem.
The best kind of alcohol is the kind that makes you forget.
There is a liquid Photoshop for men and it’s called Alcohol.
Wine enters, secrets come out.
Whats the point of drinking if you don’t drink till you don’t remember you drank ?
Alcohol may bring temporary pleasure, but it also brings long-term pain and regrets.
The true strength is not in the ability to drink without consequence, but in the ability to walk away.
Whisky or wine? I really don’t even care if that ryhmes, but since I’m on a role give me a shot of both.
And the ones who don’t like liquor, drugstores admire you.
I will keep drinking till you are pretty.
I am awake, I might as well be drinking.
Yeah I have a drinking problem. I can fist two beers and only have one mouth.
A drink. A good company in bad times. !!!
I’m not an alcoholic…I’m a narcotics enthusiast!!!
Where there’s a wine, there’s a way!
Friend 1: So are you a heavy drinker?
Friend 2: No, I only drink light beer.
The best way to end a successful campaign is with a bottle of champagne.
What’s the ociffer problem
I’ll have one more. I cannot eat on an empty stomach.
It caused me to want more daily…CHEEEERRSSSSS!!!!!!
NO…I don’t want a glass…it already comes in a glass!!!
A sober mind is a boring mind.
I drink for those who wish me well; All those who don’t can go to hell…
Alcohol is not a harmless vice, but a destructive force that can tear families and communities apart.
Thinking of quitting ?
Remember, you don’t live any longer, it only seems like it.
I figured out the abbreviation of WH IS KY” =”which is the key” to everything.
I’m recovering from sobriety…
Where there’s rum, there’s a way…
People Normally Drink I Drink Normally!! :P