I’m in good shape. That shape is round. – Jarod Kintz
A wife is a friend first, a lover second, and third and probably most important, a maid. – Jarod Kintz
Me and my wife are happy. At least when we are not together. – Jarod Kintz
Competition is healthy. Especially when all your competitors are unhealthy, and hopefully sick and absent during the competition. – Jarod Kintz
Patience and wisdom walk hand in hand, like two one-armed lovers. – Jarod Kintz
The only problem with politicians taking two week vacations every year is it’s about 50 weeks too short. – Jarod Kintz
Loyalty is for the dogs. Count me among the cats. And count me twice-once for each of my faces. – Jarod Kintz
When I compliment you, I compliment myself, because I am who I associate with. – Jarod Kintz
If I told you I’ve worked hard to get where I’m at, I’d be lying, because I have no idea where I am right now. – Jarod Kintz
I’m willing to die for the woman I love. I just want to take 75 years to do it. – Jarod Kintz
You know what I like most about people? Pets. – Jarod Kintz
Death cannot stop true love. That’s why it’s pointless for me to try to murder all my adoring female fans. – Jarod Kintz
There should always be one more cat than person, so everyone has one to pet, and I have two to myself. – Jarod Kintz
I want to get married. But first I need to get a divorce. – Jarod Kintz
Return something not for the possibility of a reward, but for the joy of giving a gift which you did not have to pay for. – Jarod Kintz
Every politician has a promising career. Unfortunately, most of them do not keep those promises. – Jarod Kintz
I’m trying to translate what my cat says and put it in a book, but how many homonyms are there for meow? – Jarod Kintz
Love is like war, except without all the blood and death and stuff. – Jarod Kintz
Vacation, I go there in my mind. Especially when I’m at work, getting paid for it. – Jarod Kintz
I don’t understand people who don’t touch their pets. Their cat or dog is called a pet for a reason.?” – Jarod Kintz
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