Quotes by Jerry Seinfeld

If a book about failures doesn’t sell, is it a success?
– Jerry Seinfeld

Quote: If a book about failures doesn’t sell,...

HTML Code
Forum BB Code
Image URL

A bookstore is one of the only pieces of evidence we have that people are still thinking.
– Jerry Seinfeld

Quote: A bookstore is one of the only...

HTML Code
Forum BB Code
Image URL

The best revenge is living well.
– Jerry Seinfeld

Quote: The best revenge is living well. –...

HTML Code
Forum BB Code
Image URL

A two-year old is kind of like having a blender, but you don’t have a top for it.
– Jerry Seinfeld

Quote: A two-year old is kind of like...

HTML Code
Forum BB Code
Image URL

According to most studies, people’s number one fear is public speaking. Number two is death. Death is number two. Does that sound right? This means to the average person, if you go to a funeral, you’re better off in the casket than doing the eulogy.
– Jerry Seinfeld

Quote: According to most studies, people’s number one...

HTML Code
Forum BB Code
Image URL

The IRS! They’re like the Mafia, they can take anything they want!
– Jerry Seinfeld

Quote: The IRS! They’re like the Mafia, they...

HTML Code
Forum BB Code
Image URL

Dogs are the leaders of the planet. If you see two life forms, one of them is making a poop, the other one’s carrying it for him, who would you assume is in charge.
– Jerry Seinfeld

Quote: Dogs are the leaders of the planet....

HTML Code
Forum BB Code
Image URL

Somebody just gave me a shower radio. Thanks a lot. Do you really want music in the shower? I guess there’s no better place to dance than a slick surface next to a glass door.
– Jerry Seinfeld

Quote: Somebody just gave me a shower radio....

HTML Code
Forum BB Code
Image URL

It’s amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every day always just exactly fits the newspaper.
– Jerry Seinfeld

Quote: It’s amazing that the amount of news...

HTML Code
Forum BB Code
Image URL

The Swiss have an interesting army. Five hundred years without a war. Pretty impressive. Also pretty lucky for them. Ever seen that little Swiss Army knife they have to fight with? Not much of a weapon there. Corkscrews. Bottle openers. “Come on, buddy, let’s go. You get past me, the guy in the back of me, he’s got a spoon. Back off, I’ve got the toe clippers right here”.
– Jerry Seinfeld

Quote: The Swiss have an interesting army. Five...

HTML Code
Forum BB Code
Image URL

Copyright © 2006-2019 - All rights reserved. Home | Blog | Contact Us | FAQ | Privacy Policy | Submit A Quote