A beautiful night is when you hug your teddy and go to sleep, but a horror night is when your teddy hugs you back!!!! =)
When you are at the end of your rope…tie a knot and swing :)
We have fought for our freedom, then we begin to accumulate laws to take it away from ourself.
An optimist is a person that falls off the empire state building and after 50 floor says so far so good!
When I get home at night I look up at the sky and talk to the stars pretending its you. It acts just like you though, very far away and never responds to anything I say.
Last night I lay in my bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought; Where the heck is my ceiling?!
If at first you don’t succeed, pay someone else to do it for you.
If you have nothing to be grateful for, check your pulse.
When people ask me with a judging undertone just why it is i’m talking to myself, I answer them: “At least, this way, i’m sure that i’m talking to someone as intelligent as myself, which is as hard to find as a decent answer to that ridiculous question.”
The fridge is a perfect example of what’s inside is what matters.
Indecision may or may not be my problem. – Jimmy Buffett
The noblest of dogs is the Hot Dog, it feeds the hand that bites it.
A guy wants to get his girlfriend something nice for her birthday. She says, “oh, just take me somewhere expensive.” so he drops her off at a gas station.
Three may keep a secret, if two of them are dead. – Benjamin Franklin
Looks are only skin deep but ugly goes right to the bone.
Your ex asking if you can still be friends after a break- up is like a kidnapper telling you to keep in touch.
I refuse to have a battle of wits against an unarmed opponent. Don’t be so humble- you are not that great.
If dreams really come true, what about nightmares.
A compromise is an agreement whereby both parties get what neither of them wanted.
There is a thin line between genius and insanity and I have erased it.
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