Funny Men Quotes and Sayings

The way to man’s heart is through an incision.

Submitted by: Rahul Ramabhadran

There are three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere: “Hold my purse.”

When God created man she was only joking.

Submitted by: Peter Scheen

A man is like a cat; chase him and he will run – Sit still and ignore him and he’ll come purring at your feet.
Helen Rowland

There’s very little advice in men’s magazines, because men don’t think there’s a lot they don’t know. Women do. Women want to learn. Men think, “I know what I’m doing, just show me somebody naked.
Jerry Seinfeld

Men don’t care what’s on TV. They only care what else is on TV.
Jerry Seinfeld

It’s tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won’t drink from my glass.
Rodney Dangerfield

I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.
Rodney Dangerfield

I don’t think women are better than men, but I do think that men are worse than women.
Louis C.K.

It is a well-documented fact that guys will not ask for directions. This is a biological thing. This is why it takes several million sperm cells… to locate a female egg, despite the fact that the egg is, relative to them, the size of Wisconsin.
Dave Barry

I’m a guy. Since when do we get anything right the first time?
Will Smith

Men are like Bluetooth connection, when you are beside them, they stay connected but when you are away, they search for new devices.

Why do men like intelligent women? Because opposites attract!

I like my men like I like my coffee. Tied up in a burlap bag and dragged through mountains.

You know… There is a name for people who are always wrong about everything all the time… Husband!!!
Bill Maher

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