Short Funny Quotes
You cry, I cry, …you laugh, I laugh…you jump off a cliff I laugh even harder!!
Never steal. The government hates competition.
Some people are like Slinky’s. Pretty much useless but make you smile when you push them down the stairs. :)
This dog, is dog, a dog, good dog, way dog, to dog, keep dog, an dog, idiot dog, busy dog, for dog, 30 dog, seconds dog! … Now read without the word dog.
Doesn’t expecting the unexpected make the unexpected expected?
Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until they speak.
– Steven Wright
Never argue with an idiot they’ll drag you down to their level and beat you through experience
Practice makes perfect but then nobody is perfect so what’s the point of practicing?
Everybody wishes they could go to heaven but no one wants to die.
Smile…It confuses people..!!
Life is like a hot bath. It feels good while you’re in it, but the longer you stay in, the more wrinkled you get.
DON’T HIT KIDS!!!
No, seriously, they have guns now.
Why are they called apartments if they are all stuck together?
Don’t knock on death’s door. Hit the doorbell and run. He hates that.
An apple a day keeps the doctor away, But if the doctor is cute forget the fruit.
I want to kill the hottest person alive… But suicide is a crime!
If you can’t get someone out of your head,
.. Then maybe they are supposed to be there. <3
When I die, I wanna go like my grandpa…peacefully…sleeping…not screaming, like the passengers in his car…
I ran into my ex today…put it in reverse and did it again!!!
I wish my book of life was written in pencil … There are a few pages I would like to erase.