American comedian, actor, writer, stage, film, radio, and television star
I intend to live forever, or die trying. – Groucho Marx
She got her good looks from her father. He’s a plastic surgeon. – Groucho Marx
Do you mind if I don’t smoke? – Groucho Marx
I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book. – Groucho Marx
The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open. – Groucho Marx
Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and applying the wrong remedies. – Groucho Marx
Next time I see you, remind me not to talk to you. – Groucho Marx
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury. – Groucho Marx
Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot. – Groucho Marx
Age is not a particularly interesting subject. Anyone can get old. All you have to do is live long enough. – Groucho Marx
The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you’ve got it made. – Groucho Marx
Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife. – Groucho Marx
A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke. – Groucho Marx
Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution? – Groucho Marx
Some people claim that marriage interferes with romance. There’s no doubt about it. Anytime you have a romance, your wife is bound to interfere. – Groucho Marx
A child of five could understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five. – Groucho Marx
No one is completely unhappy at the failure of his best friend. – Groucho Marx
A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere. – Groucho Marx
I’ve had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn’t it. – Groucho Marx
Please accept my resignation. I don’t want to belong to any club that will accept me as a member. – Groucho Marx
I have nothing but respect for you – and not much of that. – Groucho Marx
Marriage is the chief cause of divorce. – GROUCHO MARX
Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men – the other 999 follow women. – Groucho Marx
Hollywood brides keep the bouquets and throw away the grooms. – Groucho Marx
Learn from the mistakes of others. You can never live long enough to make them all yourself. – Groucho Marx
If you’re not having fun, you’re doing something wrong. – Groucho Marx
I’m not crazy about reality, but it’s still the only place to get a decent meal. – Groucho Marx
I read in the newspapers they are going to have 30 minutes of intellectual stuff on television every Monday from 7:30 to 8. to educate America. They couldn’t educate America if they started at 6:30. – Groucho Marx
Paying alimony is like feeding hay to a dead horse. – Groucho Marx
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