American comedian
Life is tough enough without having someone kick you from the inside. – Rita Rudner
Marriages don’t last. When I meet a guy, the first question I ask myself is: is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with? – Rita Rudner
There are different kinds of humor, some is sarcastic, some introspective. Introspective fit my personality better. – Rita Rudner
Men are self-confident because they grow up identifying with super-heroes. Women have bad self-images because they grow up identifying with Barbie.
– Rita Rudner
When I was a kid, I had two friends, and they were imaginary and they would only play with each other. – Rita Rudner
I never panic when I get lost. I just change where it is I want to go. – Rita Rudner
When I meet a man I ask myself, “Is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?” – Rita Rudner
Some people think having large breasts makes a woman stupid. Actually, it’s quite the opposite: a woman having large breasts makes men stupid. – Rita Rudner
A good place to meet a man is at the dry cleaner. These men usually have jobs and bathe. – Rita Rudner
Someday I want to be rich. Some people get so rich they lose all respect for humanity. That’s how rich I want to be. – Rita Rudner
I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life. – Rita Rudner
I love to sleep. Do you? Isn’t it great? It really is the best of both worlds. You get to be alive and unconscious. – Rita Rudner
Men forget everything; women remember everything. That’s why men need instant replays in sports. They’ve already forgotten what happened. – Rita Rudner
I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult. – Rita Rudner
Some women hold up dresses that are so ugly and they always say the same thing: ‘This looks much better on.’ On what? On fire? – Rita Rudner
To attract men, I wear a perfume called ‘New Car Interior’. – Rita Rudner
I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They’ve experienced pain and bought jewelry. – Rita Rudner
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