Sarcastic Quotes, Sarcasm Sayings

If I wanted to kill myself I’ll have to climb your ego and then jump to your IQ.

Submitted by: Yusuf Ansari on August 15, 2016

12 am call from a friend.
Friend: Are you asleep?
Me: Nope, I just like dancing at midnight while everyone is asleep.

Submitted by: Nosipho on July 24, 2016

Oh look?? I found your nose all up in. My damn business again!!!!

Submitted by: Jaz on April 6, 2016

I asked God to punish me, next day I met you.

Submitted by: tsury on March 27, 2016

Do I get bonus points if I act like I care?

Submitted by: PeterGm on March 27, 2016
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Are you sleeping?
– No, I am trying to hear what the pillow says.

Submitted by: PeterGm on March 27, 2016

Let’s share, you’ll take the grenade, I’ll take the pin.

Submitted by: Dess on March 25, 2016

Yet, I didn’t understand that she was intentionally disguising her feelings with sarcasm; that was usually the last resort of people who are timid and chaste of heart, whose souls have been coarsely and impudently invaded; and who, until the last moment, refuse to yield out of pride and are afraid to express their own feelings to you.
Fyodor Dostoyevsky

Waitress: Would you like a table?
Me: No, not at all, I came to the restaurant to eat on the ground. Carpet for 5 please!

Submitted by: Kiki on February 22, 2016

Bully: And what are you going to do about it?
Me: Nothing, but if you don’t do something about that attitude, you may get stuck.

Submitted by: Harry Fisher on February 5, 2016

Boy: Did it hurt when you fell from heaven?
Girl: No. I dug my way up from hell.

Submitted by: Christ on January 15, 2016
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Don’t give up, girl! Keep chasing him! But I guess he runs away because you have a beautiful face in ugly people’s point of view.

Submitted by: Erza on November 9, 2015

1st Person: Did you fall?
2nd Person: Of course not! I just attacked the floor.

Submitted by: Winnie Cheptoris on June 25, 2015

I’m not sarcastic. I’m just intelligent beyond your understanding.

Sarcasm, because beating the crap out of people is illegal

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