Sarcastic Quotes, Sarcasm Sayings

Oh look?? I found your nose all up in. My damn business again!!!!

Submitted by: Jaz on April 6, 2016

I asked God to punish me, next day I met you.

Submitted by: tsury on March 27, 2016

Do I get bonus points if I act like I care?

Submitted by: PeterGm on March 27, 2016

Are you sleeping?
– No, I am trying to hear what the pillow says.

Submitted by: PeterGm on March 27, 2016

Let’s share, you’ll take the grenade, I’ll take the pin.

Submitted by: Dess on March 25, 2016

Yet, I didn’t understand that she was intentionally disguising her feelings with sarcasm; that was usually the last resort of people who are timid and chaste of heart, whose souls have been coarsely and impudently invaded; and who, until the last moment, refuse to yield out of pride and are afraid to express their own feelings to you.
Fyodor Dostoyevsky

Waitress: Would you like a table?
Me: No, not at all, I came to the restaurant to eat on the ground. Carpet for 5 please!

Submitted by: Kiki on February 22, 2016

Bully: And what are you going to do about it?
Me: Nothing, but if you don’t do something about that attitude, you may get stuck.

Submitted by: Harry Fisher on February 5, 2016

Boy: Did it hurt when you fell from heaven?
Girl: No. I dug my way up from hell.

Submitted by: Christ on January 15, 2016

Don’t give up, girl! Keep chasing him! But I guess he runs away because you have a beautiful face in ugly people’s point of view.

Submitted by: Erza on November 9, 2015

1st Person: Did you fall?
2nd Person: Of course not! I just attacked the floor.

Submitted by: Winnie Cheptoris on June 25, 2015

I’m not sarcastic. I’m just intelligent beyond your understanding.

Sarcasm, because beating the crap out of people is illegal

Mirrors can’t talk, lucky for you they can’t laugh either.

Submitted by: =)=)=)=) on November 29, 2013

Zombies eat brains. You’re safe.

Submitted by: kate on November 26, 2013

Sarcasm (because punching people in the face is illegal) <3.

Submitted by: Rose on September 29, 2013

I don’t believe in plastic surgery,
But in your case,
Go ahead.

Submitted by: Bubbles on September 25, 2013

Tell me… Is being stupid a profession or are you just gifted?

Submitted by: katx. on September 19, 2013

I clapped because it’s finished, not because I like it.

Submitted by: Angel Geo on August 30, 2013

There is a fine line between fashion and circus. So where’s the tent?

Submitted by: Alex on June 9, 2013

The only thing to fear is fear itself and what 9 out of 10 doctors would prescribe.

Submitted by: shawnn on June 8, 2013

Mom: Have you picked out what you’re wearing to school tomorrow?
Me: Yeah.
Mom: What is it?
Me: Clothes!

Submitted by: Ylime Eyaf Steehs on May 28, 2013

Person 1: Are you watching TV on the couch?
Person 2: No, I’m sitting on the TV and watching the couch.

Submitted by: Darian on May 12, 2013

I am not bad. I am just dangerously awful.

Submitted by: Tiela Selepe on May 12, 2013

Instant idiot, just add alcohol!

You’d make the perfect blueprints to build an idiot!

Submitted by: Morgan Decker on May 10, 2013

Have you heard about the discount for deodorant from Nivea?

Submitted by: Ema on May 7, 2013

No sh*t Sherlock!

Submitted by: Java the hut on May 7, 2013

If ignorance is bliss. You must be the happiest person on this planet.

Submitted by: derek dsemre on May 5, 2013

Man, I sure do hate a bag of air with chips in it.

Submitted by: Iamunknown on April 11, 2013

Person 1: What do you think we should make for dinner?
Person 2: Food.

Submitted by: Iamunknown on April 11, 2013

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