Sarcastic Quotes, Sarcasm Sayings

My imaginary friend says that you need a therapist.

Submitted by: vera lemon on February 7, 2010

Are you really stupid or you are just pretending?

Submitted by: bmt on November 3, 2009

Oh… I didn’t tell you…. Then it must be none of your business.

Submitted by: Jennifer on October 19, 2012

My neighbor’s diary says that I have boundary issues.

Submitted by: dave title on March 10, 2013

I’m not sarcastic. I’m just intelligent beyond your understanding.

Sarcasm: Helping the intelligent politely tolerate the obtuse for thousands of years.

Submitted by: Grouchier Marx on January 30, 2010

You are about as useful as a white crayon.

Submitted by: James on July 1, 2011
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Hey! I had a shoes like those once, then my father got a job.

Submitted by: mewntx on June 16, 2010

Just because the voices only talk to me doesn’t mean you should get all jealous. You’re just a little too crazy for their taste.

Submitted by: vera lemon on February 7, 2010

Mom: *knocks on my door*
Me: What?
Mom: Are you in there?
Me: No, I went to Narnia.

Submitted by: Aiden on June 21, 2012

We have a love and hate relationship….. He loves me, I hate him.

Submitted by: Jennifer on May 16, 2010

A girl wearing pointed high- heeled shoes steps on someones feet
Girl: Sorry, did that hurt?
Someone: No, not at all, I’m on local anesthesia why don’t you try again.

Submitted by: Natalis on March 16, 2010

Don’t argue with fools, cos people from a distance can’t tell which one is you.

Submitted by: J-rock on September 16, 2009

Mom: You can’t have a coke now!
Kid: Why not?
Mom: Because it’s bad for you this early in the morning.
Kid: Well how does the coke know it’s morning?

Submitted by: witt on March 30, 2010

Life’s good, you should get one.

Submitted by: TTres on April 12, 2012
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Person 1: Are you watching TV on the couch?
Person 2: No, I’m sitting on the TV and watching the couch.

Submitted by: Darian on May 12, 2013

WAIT…I’m trying to imagine you with a personality.

Submitted by: jo-c on February 11, 2010

Person 1: You look great !
Person 2: Sorry ! I can’t say the same about you.
Person 1: Just do like me … Lie !

Submitted by: Cii on November 18, 2010

Cop pulls over a car:
Cop:Do you know why I pulled you over?
Driver: You thought I had donuts?

Submitted by: GumboCharlie on October 10, 2011

Person: Go to hell!
Me: I must already be in Hell since you’re still standing here.

Submitted by: Nick on December 14, 2012

Fighting with me is like being in the special olympics. You may win, but in the end you’re still a retard.

Submitted by: GaiaGadzook on September 17, 2009

Cancel my subscription because I don’t need your issues.

Submitted by: ninja on June 18, 2010

You: Did I wake you up?
Me: Nah I’m always awake at 3 am!

Submitted by: Biteme on February 24, 2010

Sarcasm is the secret language that everyone uses when they want to say something mean to your face.

Submitted by: m&m on September 4, 2010

Sarcasm, because beating the crap out of people is illegal

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I’d tell you to go to hell, but I work there and I don’t want to see you everyday!

Submitted by: Pugbear on May 12, 2010

Ugliness can be fixed, stupidity is forever.

Submitted by: michelle on April 15, 2010

Shut your mouth when you’re talking to me.

Submitted by: chellaki on August 26, 2010

About once a year somebody will ask me “Where is the ice?”
I reply “Check the oven”.

Submitted by: reddevil109 on March 8, 2011

If ignorance is bliss. You must be the happiest person on this planet.

Submitted by: derek dsemre on May 5, 2013

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