Sarcastic Quotes, Sarcasm Sayings

About once a year somebody will ask me “Where is the ice?”
I reply “Check the oven”.

Submitted by: reddevil109 on March 8, 2011

I ain’t sleeping. I am just looking into my eyelids.

Submitted by: kala on April 16, 2010

Sarcasm is the lowest form of wit, and the highest form of intelligence.

Submitted by: ProfessorChaos on April 13, 2010

Some say the grass isn’t always greener on the other side…I say…. Depends on where you live.

Submitted by: Punkin on February 6, 2009

I was stopped by a policeman and his over excited sniffer dog the other day, my dog says you are on drugs, he said…
I said, I’m not the one with a talking dog mate.

Submitted by: Sir Custac on March 25, 2011

Cashier: Hi can I help you?
Me: No I just stood in line for 10 minutes to say hi.

Submitted by: jekah on September 8, 2011

I’ve said it once, and I’ll say it again.
I never repeat myself.

Submitted by: Sir Custac on April 13, 2011

I’m not sarcastic, I’m brutally honest =).

Submitted by: Lowkeyfan on September 25, 2012

I’m not listening, but keep talking. I enjoy the way your voice makes my ears bleed.

Submitted by: magda on August 31, 2009

No, you don’t have to repeat yourself, … I was ignoring you the first time.

Submitted by: Mrs. Melissa Maxwell, AR on November 28, 2011

Person 1: Are you sleeping?
Person 2: Oh yes, I’m always having conversations in my sleep…

Submitted by: mimi on June 13, 2010

I love parents’ way of saying you have got a point “Don’t talk back at me!!”

Submitted by: Clothilda on January 18, 2013

There is a fine line between fashion and circus. So where’s the tent?

Submitted by: Alex on June 9, 2013

Oh… Sorry… Did you mistake me for someone who cares?

Submitted by: Munkichikin on November 15, 2009

You’re right, violence is not the solution; it’s just part of the equation.

Submitted by: bob on March 12, 2011

Never judge a book by its cover but always by it’s price tag.
If you want to throw your attitude I will be waiting with a baseball bat.
At times the way you choose to ignore me, I feel God is still with me.

Submitted by: Abhay on September 24, 2010

Tact is for people not witty enough to be sarcastic.

Submitted by: Kelley on September 23, 2009

My Brother: Since when is silence smart?
Me: Since you started talking…

Submitted by: Bob Longfluffy on April 16, 2012

You can’t face the problem if the problem is your face.

Submitted by: nyanaya on December 16, 2011

So did you choose today to humiliate yourself in public?

Submitted by: ohwhatever! on October 20, 2010

Why are you late? The teacher asked…
I guess its because I didn’t make it in time…replied the student

Submitted by: Snametic on September 7, 2010

The movie was awesome!! My favorite part was when it ended.

Submitted by: Sairah on February 15, 2011

You: Are you sleeping?
Me: I’m not sleeping, I’m just trying to suffocate this bug in my eye… It might take a while.

Submitted by: whit on April 21, 2010

You: “what are you wearing to the halloween party?”
Me: ” I don’t know.”
You: “We should go as each other!”
Me: “Fine with me . . . At least I’ll win the scariest costume award.”

Submitted by: Kari on August 7, 2009

Sarcasm (because punching people in the face is illegal) <3.

Submitted by: Rose on September 29, 2013

Person 1: You are so cool!
Person 2: Thank you! You’re not so hot yourself.

Submitted by: wolf on November 16, 2010

I don’t hate you. Its just my attitude has problems with your personality.

Submitted by: Bella on January 19, 2012

Looks are only skin deep but ugly goes right to the bone.

Submitted by: Danielle on March 30, 2010

‘A’ is reading a book, ‘B’ says …
B: “Are you reading?”
A: “No, I’m staring at the book hoping that lasers will come out of my eyes and burn the book.”

Submitted by: Chiahjee on June 7, 2010

After being cut off mid sentence:
I’m sorry, did the middle of my sentence interrupt the beginning of yours?

Submitted by: CJ on July 24, 2011

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