Short Funny Quotes

Don’t knock on death’s door. Hit the doorbell and run. He hates that.

Submitted by: I

I want to kill the hottest person alive… But suicide is a crime!

Submitted by: cassie

If you can’t get someone out of your head,
.. Then maybe they are supposed to be there. <3

Submitted by: daprincessishere

When I die, I wanna go like my grandpa…peacefully…sleeping…not screaming, like the passengers in his car…

Submitted by: ArmenianGrl

I ran into my ex today…put it in reverse and did it again!!!

Submitted by: olivia hawley

I wish my book of life was written in pencil … There are a few pages I would like to erase.

Submitted by: Susan

Save paper, don’t do home work.

Submitted by: Allyson

I dream of a better tomorrow…
where chickens can cross roads and not have their motives questioned
Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poke me in the ribs and cackle, telling me, “You’re next.”
They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.

Submitted by: **THD Rulez**

All guys hate the words DON’T and STOP unless they’re put together.

Submitted by: dominic

I still miss my ex – But guess what? My Aim is getting better :D

Submitted by: Dilip

Do not drink and drive
or you might spill the drink.

Submitted by: DirtySouth

Never judge someone until you walk a mile in their shoes. By that time, they’ll be a mile away and barefoot.

Submitted by: Julio

Boys fall for me-
Because I trip them.

Submitted by: I

Don’t think of yourself as an ugly person, think of yourself as a beautiful monkey.
It always gets laughs!

Submitted by: Callie W.

Life is Short – Talk Fast!

Submitted by: Jaime

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