Girls want a lot of things from one guy. Conversely, guys want one thing from a lot of girls.
When you stop making quotes about life giving you lemons, you will find true happiness in your life.
I’m knot a blonde! I’m knot, I’m knot, I’m knot!
Everyone wants to top in exams but no one wants to study.
A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.
I don’t have any exs I have whys? Yeah why in the hell did I date you!!!?
A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don’t need it. – Bob Hope
Why’d the metaphysical chicken cross the road? He didn’t. He astro-projected over it while lucid dreaming, thus avoiding bad karma and reducing his chances of coming back in the next life as a cracked egg, ready for the skillet.
When I get the urge to clean the house… I lay down till it passes.
It’s better not to argue with women. – Vladimir Putin
Sometimes I listen to stranger’s conversation and mentally give my opinion.
Acne: Oh you have a date coming up?
Let me invite some of my friends
Never trust people who smile constantly. They’re either selling something or not very bright. – Laurell K. Hamilton
It’s not cheating unless you get caught.
I don’t care what others say or think about me, at least I am attractive to mosquitoes.
Avoid hangovers: stay drunk.
I’m not fat your just too skinny.
Ever stopped to think and forgot to start again?
The trick to entertaining idiots is to give them a piece of paper that says flip this on both sides.
She: My love close your eyes and tell me what you see. Me: Nothing. She: This is my life without you. Me: Now close your eyes and tell me what you see. She: Nothing. Me: This is what I feel for you :d
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