They all say when life gives you lemons you make lemonade. But then we’d all have a sour lemonade.
Spies and parents never sleep. – Linda Gerber
Everyone hates being humiliated. Yet, karaoke still exists…
Last time I saw a mouth like that, it had a hook in it. – Rodney Dangerfield
Funny is only something that others know about you – you can’t be funny by yourself. – Chris Rock
A recent survey or North American males found 42% were overweight, 34% were critically obese and 8% ate the survey.
The leading cause of death among fashion models is falling through street grates. – Dave Barry
Teacher: When you think of Greece, what is the first thing that comes to your mind? Chubby student: French fries.
Robber1: Hey! Who are you. I came here first. Robber2: What!! I’m calling the police.
Knock Knock… Umm You don’t have to knock, they are things called doorbells these days..
My wife is a spoilsport she caught me kissing the au pair and she told my secretary.
The language of love letters is the same as suicide notes. – Courtney Love
They say money talks…well I’m the ventriloquist.
Don’t make me throw my boot at you, because I will, you grumpy high testosterone driven male – Keisha Keenleyside
I tried coke once. The bubbles burned my nose and I almost drowned.
If you fall I’ll be there to catch you. – Floor.
After being dead for centuries, a blind man asks someone to describe what heaven looks like. The man replies, “Go ask Satan”.
In my sentences I go where no man has gone before. – George W. Bush
If a man watches three football games in a row, he should be declared legally dead. – Erma Bombeck
How do you eat a computer? One Byte at a time. Just because you’re not paranoid does not mean the have stopped fallowing you.
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