High heels were invented by a woman who had once been kissed on the forehead. – Rita Mae Brown
I never give people hell. I just tell them the truth and they think it’s hell.
I walked into the bank today. Next time I will look where I am going.
I worked in a pet store and people would ask how big I would get. – Rodney Dangerfield
When life gives you lemons, punch life in the face for all the stuff it hasn’t given you.
Meow says the cat ,quack says the duck , Bow wow wow says the dog ! Grrrr! – Charles Dickens
When life gives you lemons, don’t make lemonade, plant a freaking tree. Sometimes I just stop and think, “Where the hell am I?”
Hitch your wagon to a star…but not a supernova. – M.J. McGuire
I haven’t spoken to my wife in years. I didn’t want to interrupt her. – Rodney Dangerfield
The time to begin most things is ten years ago. – Mignon McLaughlin
Welcome to Friday. In preparation for takeoff, please ensure all negative attitudes are properly stowed. On behalf of your captain, Jack Daniels and myself, welcome aboard. I expect sunshine and good attitudes today for our trip. Enjoy the ride.
If Monday had a face, I’d punch it
The worst part of censorship is **********
He was the toast to her butter. – Nicholas Sparks
15 out of 10 people exaggerate.
He who laughs last, is the last to laugh…. Obviously! Life can be worth living, but those who haven’t lived long are lucky as anything!!
I carry death in my left pocket. Sometimes I take it out and talk to it: “Hello, baby, how you doing? When you coming for me? I’ll be ready. – Charles Bukowski
How can you govern a country which has 246 varieties of cheese? – Charles de Gaulle
I’d never join a club that would have ME as a member.
…..and that one day a girl called me n said, “come fast there is nobody at my home…”….i went there n there was NOBODY at her home…!!!
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