Short Funny Quotes

People want what they can’t have and when they get it they don’t want it anymore.

Practice makes perfect, but if no ones perfect, why practice?

Notice that you are noticing nothing worth noticing?

Submitted by: cassandra on January 30, 2008

Walking into a restaurant…
Waiter: Would you like a table?
Me: No, we came to sit on the ground… floor for five please.

Me when parents are sleeping: shh they’re asleep.
My parents when I’m asleep: Let’s vacuum for three hours.

I learned three things in school:
1. How to text without looking.
2. How to sleep with my eyes open.
3. And teamwork during tests.

Submitted by: Cassie on March 22, 2012

Miss are you good in algebra?
Do you mind substituting my “x”??? :P

Submitted by: stig on June 5, 2008

I’m not immature…i just know how to have fun.

Submitted by: KazeGirl on August 23, 2009

Don’t do drugs kids. There’s a time and place for everything. It’s called college.

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If you have something to say, please raise your hand and place it over your mouth.

Submitted by: Aniqa on February 16, 2012

QUICK!! What’s the number for 911!!!
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Submitted by: Deanna on January 31, 2009

THINK its not illegal yet

Submitted by: Aryie on January 29, 2008

If I’m not back in 5 minutes… Wait longer..
Why do we kill people who kill people to show that killing people is wrong?
Everybody makes mistakes.. The trick is making em when nobody is around..
When life hands you lemons… Make apple cider.. Then sit back and have everyone wondering how you did it.

Submitted by: MiMi BaBiI on February 4, 2009

Your age doesn’t lie. Neither does that face.

Submitted by: joshua michael levinson on May 8, 2014

Why is there no egg in eggplant and no ham in hamburger?

Submitted by: win_ringette on October 19, 2008
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People have told me to never say never – they broke their own rule!

Submitted by: Carla on September 24, 2009

L.O.L has gone from meaning laugh out loud to I have nothing else to say.
Pandas are the least racist..they’re black, white, and Asian
Silence is golden. Duct tape is silver, blue, purple, orange and all those other colors now.
I’m afraid of my mailman……..he knows where I live!!

Submitted by: SUmmy on February 15, 2010

Heaven doesn’t want me…and hell is too scared I’ll take over.

Submitted by: J3$$a on March 25, 2009

That’s why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it.
George Carlin

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