Witty Quotes, Sayings with verbal humor

It is so easy I can sleep with my eyes closed.

Submitted by: Khrietho sale

When life gives you lemons make lemonade, that throw it in the face of the person who gave you the lemons, until they give you the oranges you originally asked for.
– Cassandra Claire.

Submitted by: Aly

Where there is a will, there is a quarrel.

Submitted by: Moiz

If actions speak louder than words, then why did I learn English instead of martial arts?

Submitted by: Arun Joseph

If someone tells you to never take advice from anyone should you take his?

Submitted by: anonymous

Teacher: What do you wish to do with your future?
Me: Stay alive until the day I die.

Submitted by: elizzabeth hamilton

The first sign of madness is: hairs on the palms of your hands.
The second sign is: looking for them.

Submitted by: Dom

To the guy who texted me the last day
“I love you. So what do you think?”

A reply to him.
“Yes. Of course even I love myself”.

Submitted by: Dew Dey

Asked the cause of my injury, I explained: “My back couldn’t bear the weight of my stupidity.”
Alan Robert Neal

Whoever put the word fun in funeral?
Anthony Liccione

Submitted by: Michael P.

I’m going to stop putting things off, starting tomorrow!
Sam Levenson


Somewhere on this globe, every ten seconds, there is a woman giving birth to a child. She must be found and stopped.
Sam Levenson

It’s an easy thing to commit a sin, I wonder how God expects people to fail doing an easy task.

Submitted by: Khaya

Brevity is the soul of wit.

Submitted by: Playjareyes

If you pull enough strings, you’ll end up pulling ropes.

Submitted by: John Bennett Hartnett

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