Clever Quotes and Sayings
Notice: Lack of planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on my part.
Good girls are found on every corner of the earth but unfortunately the earth is round.
If your heart was really broken you would be dead so shut up.
If I’m driving you crazy just remember to put on your seat belt.
The universe contains protons, neutrons, electrons and morons.
If you want breakfast in bed. Sleep in the kitchen.
Money does not buy happiness but, it sure pays off stress.
You do not become smarter by blowing your own horn. You become smarter by being humble.
- Dr T.P.Chia
Make love and not war
Or, find someone, marry them
And you can do both!
If you can’t impress anyone with your intelligence confuse them with your bulls***!!!
My parents told me “You watch too much TV and should try reading more!” So I turned on the subtitles.
All things being equal, if you give too little you receive too little and if you give too much you receive too much. You could say giving nothing is as selfish as giving everything.
You know what charm is: a way of getting the answer yes without having asked any clear question.
- Albert Camus
Did you sleep well?
No, I made a couple of mistakes.
- Steven Wright
My favorite text message “I will be there in 5 minutes, if not read again”.
When push comes to shove, I hope you’re standing next to a cliff.
If life gives you lemons. Eat carrots.
The grass is always greener on the other side when you’re not the one mowing it.
How can you tell me to never say never when you just said never?
The grass is greener on the other side, because that’s where the dogs have been pooping.
It’s not necessary to be educated, to be intelligent.
I have 6 locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking locks, they are always locking 3.
- Elayne Boosler.
If you want people to remember you. Borrow money from them.
I know that you believe that you understood what you think I said, but I am not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant.
I am not always right but I am never wrong.
Never value first impressions cos along with it comes deception.
You know that you’ve become wise when your sarcasm is so advanced that people actually think you’re stupid.
I could act normal, but it would be acting and it wouldn’t be normal.
Grass maybe greener on the other side , but it might not have as many flowers.
Technology is not complete if I can’t download money.
The grass is always greener on the other side, but what if I’m already on the other side.
Early bird gets the worm, but the early hunter gets the bird.
He who waits, will be late for the rest of his life.
If all boys are the same, why are girls so picky?
A balanced diet means a cookie in both hands.
People talk so much. Yet say so little.
Don’t believe in ‘they say’ because ‘they say’ won’t be able to say what ‘they say’ when ‘they say’ is called to say what ‘they say’.
When in doubt, mumble.
There are plenty of fish in the sea, but I like women.
I changed the name on my iPod to “the titanic” so that when I plug it in to my computer, you’ll read “the titanic is syncing”.