Funny Men Quotes and Sayings
Behind every successful man there is a surprised woman.
Perfect numbers like perfect men are very rare.
Men are simple things. They can survive a whole weekend with only three things: beer, boxer shorts and batteries for the remote control.
To attract men, I wear a perfume called ‘New Car Interior’.
I never hated a man enough to give him his diamonds back.
My mom said the only reason men are alive is for lawn care and vehicle maintenance.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
All men are not homeless, but some men are home less than others.
Men can read maps better than women. Cause only the male mind could conceive of one inch equaling a hundred miles
If you never want to see a man again, say, ‘I love you, I want to marry you. I want to have children…’ – they leave skid marks.
There are three stages of man: He believes in Santa Claus; he doesn’t believe in Santa Claus; he is Santa Claus.
Women now have choices. They can be married, not married, have a job, not have a job, be married with children, unmarried with children. Men have the same choice we’ve always had: work or prison.
The best way to get a man to do something is to suggest they are too old for it.
You know when you put a stick in water and it looks bent ? That’s why I never take baths.
A man in the house is worth two in the street.
A genius is a man who can rewrap a new shirt and not have any pins left over.
The quickest way to a man’s heart is through his chest.
Young men think old men are fools; but old men know young men are fools.
Give a man a free hand and he’ll run it all over you.
I only like two kinds of men, domestic and foreign.
A woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle.
Men who don’t understand women fall into two groups: Bachelors and Husbands.
Man has will, but woman has her way.
If you want something said, ask a man; if you want something done, ask a woman.
When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping. Men invade another country.
Women don’t make fools of men most of them are the “do-it-yourself” types.
Men are like dogs. They keep coming back. Ladies are like cats. Yell at a cat one time…they’re gone.
You see a lot of smart guys with dumb women, but you hardly ever see a smart woman with a dumb guy.
A gentleman is simply a patient wolf.
Any woman can fool a man if she wants to and if he’s in love with her.
Men are liars. We’ll lie about lying if we have to. I’m an algebra liar. I figure two good lies make a positive.
Never trust a husband too far or a bachelor too near.
To a woman the first kiss is just the end of the beginning but to a man it is the beginning of the end.
To be happy with a man you must understand him a lot and love him a little. To be happy with a woman you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.
You know, men and women are a lot alike in certain situations. Like when they’re both on fire – they’re exactly alike.
All modern men are descended from a worm-like creature, but it shows more on some people.
There are two things that will be believed of any man whatsoever, and one of them is that he has taken to drink
If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and saving an infant’s life, she will choose to save the infant’s life without even considering if there are men on base.
Men marry women with the hope they will never change. “Women marry men with the hope they will change. “And they are both disappointed.”
Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe.
I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They’ve experienced pain and bought jewelry.
Behind every successful man there is a surprised woman.
Perfect numbers like perfect men are very rare.
Men are simple things. They can survive a whole weekend with only three things: beer, boxer shorts and batteries for the remote control.
To attract men, I wear a perfume called ‘New Car Interior’.
I never hated a man enough to give [...]
So many men so little asprin.
Men are like parking spaces; The good ones are taken and the only ones left are handicapped.
men are like chocolate bars…they’re sweet and smooth but head straight for your hips.
A man woke up in the morning with a headache and saw a rose, an Aspirin, water and a note on the bed side table written on it: ‘Breakfast is on the table I am off to the store”.
When he went down stairs he saw his son and asked him what happened last night.
His son said “Well you came home drunk and when mom tried to kiss you, you yelled ‘get off me lady i am married!’ ”
Getting drunk: $65
Calling a cab when your to drunk: $21.50.
Saying the right things at the right time: Priceless.
MEN ARE LIKE BUSES… IF YOU MISS ONE ANOTHER ONE WILL BE COMING IN 5 MINUTES.
What do men and clouds have in common???….. when both are not around its a nice day!
Little girls grow up to be ladies…..Little boys grow up to be big boys
MEN…are like cars, TEST drive before buying
When you see a homeless man, feel no pity. He should have listened to his wife.
Women were created for a reason, to keep men sane.
One thing all men need to know: Its cheaper to keep her.
Men are the head of the family , Women are the neck ,they can turn the head wherever they please.
Why don’t men get Mad Cow Disease?
Because they’re all pigs.
God made men because every good thing needs a blue print.
It doesn’t matter how often a married man changes his job, he still ends with the same boss.
The only difference between men and boys are the size of their shoes and the price of their toys.
They say, “Early to bed, early to rise makes a Man healty, wealthy and wise”, Well I’m not too sure if its entirely true, because I have never seen a healthy, wealthy and wise man.
Men are like commercials, you can’t believe a word they say.
There are two kind of men who don’t understand women: singles and husbands.
Wise woman always support there husbands career, they know there investing in a higher-future-alimony.
Having more than one wife is bigamy, having more than one husband is insanity!
I never understood why we call men “pigs” and “dogs”….pigs are smart and dogs are loyal.