Funny Men Quotes and Sayings
A man woke up in the morning with a headache and saw a rose, an Aspirin, water and a note on the bed side table written on it: “Breakfast is on the table I am off to the store”.
When he went down stairs he saw his son and asked him what happened last night.
His son said “Well you came home drunk and when mom tried to kiss you, you yelled “Get off me lady I am married!”
Getting drunk: $65
Calling a cab when you’re too drunk: $21.50.
Saying the right things at the right time: Priceless.
Men are like chocolate bars…they’re sweet and smooth but head straight for your hips.
I never understood why we call men “pigs” and “dogs”…pigs are smart and dogs are loyal.
Men are like parking spaces; The good ones are taken and the only ones left are handicapped.
While creating men, God promised women that a good and ideal man would be found in all corners of the world, then He made the earth round.
Here’s all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.
– George Carlin
So many men so little asprin.
Menopause, menstrual cramps, mental illness, mental breakdowns…ever notice that all of your problems begin with men?
The ideal man goes home early, doesn’t flirt, doesn’t drink, doesn’t smoke, doesn’t gamble and doesn’t exist.
You know… There is a name for people who are always wrong about everything all the time… Husband!!!
– Bill Maher
MEN ARE LIKE BUSES… IF YOU MISS ONE ANOTHER ONE WILL BE COMING IN 5 MINUTES.
Men are the head of the family , Women are the neck ,they can turn the head wherever they please.
Men are like trees, they take forever to grow up.
The more I see of men, the more I admire dogs…
Men are like commercials, you can’t believe a word they say.
When you see a homeless man, feel no pity. He should have listened to his wife.
Little girls grow up to be ladies…Little boys grow up to be big boys
There are easier things in life than trying to find a nice guy…like nailing jelly to a tree for example.
What do men and clouds have in common???… When both are not around its a nice day!
The only difference between men and boys are the size of their shoes and the price of their toys.