How come wrong numbers are never busy?
Waiting for the perfect girl? Idiot, even if you find her she’ll be waiting for the perfect man.
Stop asking for oranges! Some of us haven’t even received our lemons yet!!!
Alcohol may be man’s worst enemy, but the Bible says love your enemy. – Frank Sinatra
What do I do when I see someone extremely gorgeous…? I stare, I smile, and when I get tired.. I put the mirror down. ;)
I hate how Monday is so far away from Friday and Friday is so close to Monday.
If someone says: “No offense”, he/she is about to say something offensive.
If the customer is always right, then why isn’t anything for free?
Thanks to all those who ask the awkward questions on yahoo answers so that we don’t have to.
Inside me is a thin person screaming to get out … But she has trouble being heard through all the fat.
The only way to look slim is to hang out with fat people.
“Behind Every Gorgeous Female, Lies A Lot Of Envious Chicks”
Okay It’s been more than ten years now I confess I let the dogs out
Sweater, n. Garment worn by child when its mother is feeling chilly. – Ambrose Bierce
Why is it called a walkie- talkie if a vacuum cleaner isn’t called a pushy- sucky?
Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark. – Steven Wright
Welcome to the dark side. What? Surprised? We lied about the cookies.
People say that I’m indecisive, but…I don’t know if I am, well maybe.
I feel so lost without you… Mostly because you have my compass.
Tell your girlfriend, I said thanks…!
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