Short Funny Quotes - Page 20
I went to see my psychiatrist the other day and told him that I was talking to myself. He replied, “That’s all right. Just hold a mobile phone by your mouth.”
My favorite text message “I will be there in 5 minutes, if not read again”.
Money doesn’t buy happiness, but it does buy everything else.
It is better to be rich & miserable than poor & miserable.
My ancestors didn’t fight their way to the top of the food chain so I could be a vegetarian.
Tell your girlfriend, I said thanks…!
Insult: If beauty fades you have nothing to worry about.
Everyone is entitled to their own opinion…it’s just that yours is stupid.
If I spoke my mind, I would be in deep trouble.
My therapist says that I can’t see you anymore because you make me crazy.
Curiosity killed the cat, and saved the rat.
DAD- iPay.. …!
I have CDO, it’s like OCD but all the letters are in alphabetical order…As they should be.
Can you cry under water?
Do fishes ever get thirsty?
Why don’t birds fall off trees when they sleep?
When they say dogs food is new and improved, who tastes it?
Why does round pizza come in a square box?
Why doesn’t glue stick to its bottle?
I hate how Monday is so far away from Friday and Friday is so close to Monday.
When I get bored, I look through my entire phone to see if there are any cool options I missed.
Hardest job ever: Working in a bubble wrap factory. Imagine the self control needed.
Alcohol doesn’t solve any problems, but then againm neither does milk.
You don’t need a parachute to sky dive, you need a parachute to sky dive twice.
You’re never too old to learn something stupid.
We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.
Homework kills trees.
So don’t do homework.
If facebook was a subject I’d get A+++
There’s no vaccine against stupid.