Short Funny Quotes

If you want to look young and skinny stand next to a bunch of fat old people.

Submitted by: abby

Ocean, n. A body of water occupying about two-thirds of a world made for man – who has no gills.
Ambrose Bierce

What the heck does the “Z” in “LOLZ” mean…”Laugh Out Loud…Zebras?”

I’m not arguing, I’m just explaining why I’m right.

The brain is the most outstanding organ. It works for 24 hours, 365 days, right from your birth, until you step in the exam hall.

If a robot does the robot is it still the robot or is it just dancing?
The last thing I want to do is hurt you… But it is still on my list :)

Submitted by: princess 98 ?

The dumber you are, the smarter you think you are.

I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.
Rodney Dangerfield

For all people who make me laugh : Thank you.

Fact of life after Monday and Tuesday even the calendar says WTF!!!

Submitted by: nida

I came from a real tough neighborhood. Once a guy pulled a knife on me. I knew he wasn’t a professional, the knife had butter on it.
Rodney Dangerfield

It is scientifically proven that people who have more birthdays live longer.

I’ve lost many things… Of all those, my mind is at the bottom of my ‘to find’ list…
You should never care what others think, they don’t do it very often.

Submitted by: koolio

Sometimes I pretend to be normal but it gets boring so I go back to being me.:p

Submitted by: heaven

My parents told me “You watch too much TV and should try reading more!” So I turned on the subtitles.

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