Short Funny Quotes - Page 20
Life is a waste of time and time is a waste of life, so waste your time and have the time of your life!
People say that I’m indecisive, but…I don’t know if I am, well maybe.
I’m confused… Wait, maybe I’m not…
Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us to walk and talk, and the rest of it telling us to sit down and shut up.
If there was an award for laziness I’d probably send somebody else to pick it up for me.
When everything is coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.
- Steven Wright
Have you ever noticed that studying is a combination of student and dying.
A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don’t need it.
- Bob Hope
I am making some changes in my life. If you don’t hear from me, your one of them.
I’m giving you a definite maybe.
- Sam Goldwyn
I know only two tunes. One of them is “Yankee Doodle” and the other isn’t.
- Ulysses S. Grant
Yes, females do pursue me (if you count mosquitoes).
It’s bad luck to be superstitious.
Celibacy is not hereditary.
Excuse me, but do these stairs go up?
Traffic is moving at a standstill.
- Traffic Reporter
This project is so important that we can’t let things that are more important interfere with it.
Winter related injuries occur more often in winter.
My therapist says that I can’t see you anymore because you make me crazy.
Welcome to the dark side. What? Surprised? We lied about the cookies.
Students are the only costumers who don’t want what they paid for.
When I get the urge to clean the house… I lay down till it passes.
Think if man evolved from monkeys then why do we still have monkeys?
I’ve got problem for your solution…
Quitting smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I’ve done it dozens of times.
Do you believe in love at first sight or should I walk by again ?
I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.
- Groucho Marx