Short Funny Quotes

I feel so lost without you… Mostly because you have my compass.

Submitted by: Allison

The only way to look slim is to hang out with fat people.

Submitted by: joe

Thanks to all those who ask the awkward questions on yahoo answers so that we don’t have to.

Welcome to the dark side. What? Surprised? We lied about the cookies.

Submitted by: Brittany B

Inside me is a thin person screaming to get out … But she has trouble being heard through all the fat.

Submitted by: Freakychick

I don’t really care whether a glass is half empty or half full, all I know is that I want my glass filled!!

Submitted by: Funnieboiy

Who invented Mondays, I’d like to have a word with him.

Submitted by: Ezzard

Hardest job ever: Working in a bubble wrap factory. Imagine the self control needed.

Advertisements

Be a nerd – no one can kill what already has no life.

Submitted by: blarg

Daughter- iPod,
SON- iPhone,
MOM- iPad,
DAD- iPay.. …!

Submitted by: sparihar10@facebook.com

Immature is the word mature people use to describe fun people.

Submitted by: KylerBoz52

There’s nothing to fear. Except maybe that weird guy over there.

Submitted by: joshua michael levinson

I hate how Monday is so far away from Friday and Friday is so close to Monday.

All of us would like to vote for the best president, unfortunately he is never a candidate.

Submitted by: Yung Zavage

It is not easy going through life and being perfect. I thought I made a mistake once, but it turned out I was wrong.

Submitted by: Patrick Sullivan

Patience is a procrastinators excuse!!!

Submitted by: Heather

I have CDO, it’s like OCD but all the letters are in alphabetical order…As they should be.

To do is to be. – Socrates
To be is to do. – Sartre
Do be do be do. – Frank Sinatra
– Kurt Vonnegut

Submitted by: Ashley Rushbrook

If the batteries in our T.V remote are dead … Why do we keep pushing the button until our fingers hurt ?

Submitted by: littleredridinghood.

I went to see my psychiatrist the other day and told him that I was talking to myself. He replied, “That’s all right. Just hold a mobile phone by your mouth.”

Submitted by: Robert D Dangoor

Copyright © 2006-2017 - All rights reserved. Home | Blog | Contact Us | FAQ | Privacy Policy | Submit A Quote