Short Funny Quotes

I like poetry, long walks on the beach, and poking dead things with a stick!
Why is it that when something is delivered by truck, we call it a shipment, but when it’s delivered by ship we call it cargo?

Submitted by: sara

You either like me or you hate me, either way, you idiots still know my name.
I’m not random. I just have many thoughts I feel you should know.

Submitted by: katee

The dumber you are, the smarter you think you are.

Someone told me I was immature. Guess who’s not allowed in my tree house now?

Cobra 1 asks cobra 2
Cobra 1 : Are we poisonous?
Cobra 2 : Why are you asking?
Cobra 1 : I think I just bit my lip.

Submitted by: Nana Quajo
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If you want to look young and skinny stand next to a bunch of fat old people.

Submitted by: abby

I’m not arguing, I’m just explaining why I’m right.

The brain is the most outstanding organ. It works for 24 hours, 365 days, right from your birth, until you step in the exam hall.

Ocean, n. A body of water occupying about two-thirds of a world made for man – who has no gills.
Ambrose Bierce

What the heck does the “Z” in “LOLZ” mean…”Laugh Out Loud…Zebras?”

Tell me what you need, I will tell you how to get along without it.
Never give the devil a ride, he will always want to drive.

Submitted by: Hashim
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I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.
Rodney Dangerfield

I came from a real tough neighborhood. Once a guy pulled a knife on me. I knew he wasn’t a professional, the knife had butter on it.
Rodney Dangerfield

Fact of life after Monday and Tuesday even the calendar says WTF!!!

Submitted by: nida

If a robot does the robot is it still the robot or is it just dancing?
The last thing I want to do is hurt you… But it is still on my list :)

Submitted by: princess 98 ?

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