Short Funny Quotes

I’m still waiting for that day…

Someone told me I was immature. Guess who’s not allowed in my tree house now?

It is scientifically proven that people who have more birthdays live longer.

Cobra 1 asks cobra 2
Cobra 1 : Are we poisonous?
Cobra 2 : Why are you asking?
Cobra 1 : I think I just bit my lip.

Submitted by: Nana Quajo

If you want to look young and skinny stand next to a bunch of fat old people.

Submitted by: abby

The dumber you are, the smarter you think you are.

The brain is the most outstanding organ. It works for 24 hours, 365 days, right from your birth, until you step in the exam hall.

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What the heck does the “Z” in “LOLZ” mean…”Laugh Out Loud…Zebras?”

Tell me what you need, I will tell you how to get along without it.
Never give the devil a ride, he will always want to drive.

Submitted by: Hashim

Ocean, n. A body of water occupying about two-thirds of a world made for man – who has no gills.
Ambrose Bierce

I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.
Rodney Dangerfield

I came from a real tough neighborhood. Once a guy pulled a knife on me. I knew he wasn’t a professional, the knife had butter on it.
Rodney Dangerfield

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I’m not arguing, I’m just explaining why I’m right.

If a robot does the robot is it still the robot or is it just dancing?
The last thing I want to do is hurt you… But it is still on my list :)

Submitted by: princess 98 ?

For all people who make me laugh : Thank you.

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