Short Funny Quotes - Page 20

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I went to see my psychiatrist the other day and told him that I was talking to myself. He replied, “That’s all right. Just hold a mobile phone by your mouth.”

Submitted by: Robert D Dangoor

My favorite text message “I will be there in 5 minutes, if not read again”.

Submitted by: Loshani Sigwadi

Money doesn’t buy happiness, but it does buy everything else.

It is better to be rich & miserable than poor & miserable.

My ancestors didn’t fight their way to the top of the food chain so I could be a vegetarian.

Funny Quote: Money doesn’t buy happiness, but it does...

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Tell your girlfriend, I said thanks…!

Submitted by: mallikarjun

Insult: If beauty fades you have nothing to worry about.

Submitted by: joshua michael levinson

Everyone is entitled to their own opinion…it’s just that yours is stupid.

Submitted by: dan

If I spoke my mind, I would be in deep trouble.

Submitted by: katie

My therapist says that I can’t see you anymore because you make me crazy.

Submitted by: day

Curiosity killed the cat, and saved the rat.

Submitted by: sum

Daughter- iPod,
SON- iPhone,
MOM- iPad,
DAD- iPay.. …!

Submitted by: sparihar10@facebook.com

I have CDO, it’s like OCD but all the letters are in alphabetical order…As they should be.

Funny Quote: I have CDO, it’s like OCD but...

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Interesting confusions:
Can you cry under water?
Do fishes ever get thirsty?
Why don’t birds fall off trees when they sleep?
When they say dogs food is new and improved, who tastes it?
Why does round pizza come in a square box?
Why doesn’t glue stick to its bottle?

Submitted by: red sunny

I hate how Monday is so far away from Friday and Friday is so close to Monday.

Funny Quote: I hate how Monday is so far...

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When I get bored, I look through my entire phone to see if there are any cool options I missed.

Hardest job ever: Working in a bubble wrap factory. Imagine the self control needed.

Alcohol doesn’t solve any problems, but then againm neither does milk.

Funny Quote: Alcohol doesn’t solve any problems, but then...

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You don’t need a parachute to sky dive, you need a parachute to sky dive twice.
You’re never too old to learn something stupid.
We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.

Submitted by: Braylin

Homework kills trees.
So don’t do homework.

Submitted by: Krystal

If facebook was a subject I’d get A+++

Submitted by: Hassan Khan Sekmani

There’s no vaccine against stupid.

Funny Quote: There’s no vaccine against stupid.

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