Witty Quotes, Sayings with verbal humor

Sorted by: Popularity | Newest First

Doesn’t expecting the unexpected make the unexpected expected?

Submitted by: Dylan

Whoever said that nothing was impossible obviously never tried slamming a revolving door.

Submitted by: jenny:

There are three kinds of people in the world. People who make things happen. People who watch things happen and people who say “What happened?”.

Submitted by: smiley35

Man is the only living being who cuts trees, makes paper, and writes “SAVE TREES” on it.

Submitted by: Sujit

Evening news is where they begin with ‘Good evening’, and then proceed to tell you why it isn’t.

Submitted by: Shorty

For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain.

Submitted by: Doreen Deramo

I live in my own world but it’s okay. They know me there.

Submitted by: Susanne

Dear optimist, pessimist, and realist, while you guys were arguing about the glass of water, I drank it.

Sincerely, the opportunist.

Submitted by: Mark Cromo

A lie will make it around the world before the truth has time to put on it’s shoes.

Submitted by: Debra Ramey

Whoever uses the phrase “Easy as taking candy from a baby,” has obviously never tried taking candy from a baby.

Submitted by: Nicole

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