Witty Quotes, Sayings with verbal humor
Doesn’t expecting the unexpected make the unexpected expected?
There are three kinds of people in the world. People who make things happen. People who watch things happen and people who say “What happened?”.
Whoever said that nothing was impossible obviously never tried slamming a revolving door.
Man is the only living being who cuts trees, makes paper, and writes “SAVE TREES” on it.
Evening news is where they begin with ‘Good evening’, and then proceed to tell you why it isn’t.
You do not really understand something unless you can explain it to your grandmother.
- Albert Einstein
A lie will make it around the world before the truth has time to put on it’s shoes.
For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain.
“As I grow older, I pay less attention to what people say…i just watch what they do.”
I live in my own world but it’s okay. They know me there.
Whoever uses the phrase “Easy as taking candy from a baby,” has obviously never tried taking candy from a baby.
Being British is about driving a German car to an Irish pub for a Belgian beer, then traveling home, grabbing an Indian curry or a Turkish kebab on the way, to sit on Swedish furniture and watch American shows on a Japanese TV.
I used to have superpowers… But a therapist took them away.
Always and never are two words you should always remember never to use.
You’re only young once, but you can be immature forever!
129% of people exaggerate.
If at first you don’t succeed, …then skydiving is probably NOT for you.
For every action there is an equal and opposite government program.
3 bottles of bleach: $15.00. One rope, 3 rolls of duct tape, and a shovel: $35.00. 3 boxes of trash bags: $10.00. The look on the cashier’s face: Priceless!
When you are at the end of your rope…tie a knot and swing :)