Witty Quotes, Sayings with verbal humor

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Doesn’t expecting the unexpected make the unexpected expected?

Submitted by: Dylan

Whoever said that nothing was impossible obviously never tried slamming a revolving door.

Submitted by: jenny:

There are three kinds of people in the world. People who make things happen. People who watch things happen and people who say “What happened?”.

Submitted by: smiley35

Man is the only living being who cuts trees, makes paper, and writes “SAVE TREES” on it.

Submitted by: Sujit

Evening news is where they begin with ‘Good evening’, and then proceed to tell you why it isn’t.

Submitted by: Shorty

For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain.

Submitted by: Doreen Deramo

I live in my own world but it’s okay. They know me there.

Submitted by: Susanne

Dear optimist, pessimist, and realist, while you guys were arguing about the glass of water, I drank it.

Sincerely, the opportunist.

Submitted by: Mark Cromo

A lie will make it around the world before the truth has time to put on it’s shoes.

Submitted by: Debra Ramey

Whoever uses the phrase “Easy as taking candy from a baby,” has obviously never tried taking candy from a baby.

Submitted by: Nicole

You do not really understand something unless you can explain it to your grandmother.
– Albert Einstein

Submitted by: Jake

“As I grow older, I pay less attention to what people say…i just watch what they do.”

Submitted by: Bertha

For every action there is an equal and opposite government program.

Submitted by: crazygenius

You’re only young once, but you can be immature forever!

Submitted by: Torie

129% of people exaggerate.

Submitted by: Jenny A.

I used to have superpowers… But a therapist took them away.

Submitted by: Bunni

If at first you don’t succeed, …then skydiving is probably NOT for you.

Submitted by: tex

If the grass is greener on the other side, you can bet the water bill is higher.

Submitted by: Doreen Deramo

Energizer Bunny arrested — charged with battery.

Submitted by: Doreen Deramo

Being British is about driving a German car to an Irish pub for a Belgian beer, then traveling home, grabbing an Indian curry or a Turkish kebab on the way, to sit on Swedish furniture and watch American shows on a Japanese TV.

Submitted by: sofie

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