Witty Quotes, Sayings with verbal humor

3

The fridge is a perfect example of what’s inside is what matters.

Submitted by: Anika
17

If I’m driving you crazy just remember to put on your seat belt.

Submitted by: Thomas
17

There’s nothing to fear. Except maybe that weird guy over there.

Submitted by: joshua michael levinson
3

If money doesn’t grow on trees why do bank have branches?

Submitted by: Jamyang Tenzin
17

If at first you don’t succeed, see what the loser gets.

Submitted by: Inspired
14

Come to think of it, when *isn’t* it a good idea to go limp and play dead???

Submitted by: John Alejandro King
8

If dreams really come true, what about nightmares.

Submitted by: Dyoung shall grow
24

Person 1: That lady looks really interesting.
Person 2: She looks like her daddy.

Submitted by: IAmunknown
14

I’m sorry, did that hurt? I thought that there was a gnat on your cheek.

Submitted by: IAmunknown
6

Understanding the single-line quote is like comprehending the bulky book with its title only and correctly.
- Anuj Somany

Submitted by: Anuj Somany
6

My kids seem to only listen to their music and not me; so I tried singing them their chores.

Submitted by: caesar
12

The squeaky wheel doesn’t always get the grease, sometimes it just gets replaced.

Submitted by: Patrick
8

Dear optimist, pessimist, and realist, while you guys were arguing about the glass of water, I drank it.

Sincerely, the opportunist.

Submitted by: Mark Cromo
5

That seems more of a your problem, than my problem!

Submitted by: AJ Johnson
20

Canada gave America Justin Bieber. America gave Canada the first nuclear wasteland.

Submitted by: Ali D.
11

Let’s agree that some days we are the pain and some days the a**!

Submitted by: succor146
11

I don’t judge God does. I’m the one who makes your appointment.

Submitted by: Cody
8

If you don’t have a sense of humor, you probably don’t have any sense at all.

Submitted by: Philip Warph
3

Common sense is not so common.

Submitted by: A$$tastic
6

Quickest way to get on your feet… miss a car payment.

Submitted by: Darell Hill
6

The voices in my head were arguing over who would be me today.

Submitted by: Darell Hill
5

Department of redundancy department.

Submitted by: Gary
9

He was a modest man, with much to be modest about.

Submitted by: Gary
6

I have an inferiority complex, but it’s not a very good one.
- Steven Wright

6

Why isn’t the word “phonetically” spelled with an “f”?
- Steven Wright


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