Witty Quotes, Sayings with verbal humor
Doesn’t expecting the unexpected make the unexpected expected?
Man is the only living being who cuts trees, makes paper, and writes “SAVE TREES” on it.
There are three kinds of people in the world. People who make things happen. People who watch things happen and people who say “What happened?”.
Whoever said that nothing was impossible obviously never tried slamming a revolving door.
Dear optimist, pessimist, and realist, while you guys were arguing about the glass of water, I drank it.
Sincerely, the opportunist.
Evening news is where they begin with ‘Good evening’, and then proceed to tell you why it isn’t.
I don’t have an attitude problem, you have a perception problem.
For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain.
I live in my own world but it’s okay. They know me there.
If the grass is greener on the other side, you can bet the water bill is higher.
A lie will make it around the world before the truth has time to put on it’s shoes.
Whoever uses the phrase “Easy as taking candy from a baby,” has obviously never tried taking candy from a baby.
You do not really understand something unless you can explain it to your grandmother.
– Albert Einstein
“As I grow older, I pay less attention to what people say…i just watch what they do.”
129% of people exaggerate.
You’re only young once, but you can be immature forever!
Being British is about driving a German car to an Irish pub for a Belgian beer, then traveling home, grabbing an Indian curry or a Turkish kebab on the way, to sit on Swedish furniture and watch American shows on a Japanese TV.
I used to have superpowers… But a therapist took them away.
For every action there is an equal and opposite government program.
If at first you don’t succeed, …then skydiving is probably NOT for you.
Energizer Bunny arrested — charged with battery.
Always and never are two words you should always remember never to use.
There is nothing more annoying than two people talking while you’re trying to interrupt.
There are three kinds of people in this world: Those who can count… And those who can’t.
You can’t spell families, without “lies”.