Short Funny Quotes - Page 14

3

If men are all the same why do girls choose their men.

Submitted by: caleb mwendwa
9

Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get away from K. F. C. ! Xd.

Submitted by: Dvd
4

I’m not mean I’m just stating the facts.

Submitted by: katkat "^.^"
7

Toilet paper: highly useful, yet inappropriate as a gift.

Submitted by: raisthesungod
14

How do you put an elephant in the fridge?
You open the door, and put him in.
How do you put a giraffe in the fridge?
You open the door, take the elephant out, and put him in.
So a lion, the king of the jungle, is hosting a party for all the animals in the whole world, and when everyone gets there, they’re all having a great time, but, there is only one animal who is not there. Who is it?
The elephant you put in the fridge.
So, your on a hiking trip and you come to a river, full of crocodiles, and you have to get across, and there is no way around and no way over it. How do you get across?
You jump in and swim to the other side. (All the crocodiles are at the lion’s party.)

Submitted by: JAmes
6

Dear Yahoo,
You never hear anybody say “Lets Yahoo it”, just saying.
Sincerely,
Google.

Submitted by: Kyle
2

When someone says “Can I ask you a question?” they didn’t really give you a choice.

Submitted by: ham
5

Cool story bro. Needs a dinosaur.

Submitted by: 5abunnylover
6

Today I sweated more than lady gaga would when she’s trying to make a gospel album.

Submitted by: Alexis
13

Virginity is not a dignity but a lack of opportunity.

Submitted by: rabach
3

In 1st grade when someone was in an argument the solution was to say sorry. Now that you’re in 11th grade, the solution is to transfer schools.

Submitted by: ham
4

A criminal is not sorry for committing the crime, but he is very sorry that he is going to jail.

Submitted by: ham
3

Years from now we’ll look back on this and laugh. If we’re out of jail by then.

Submitted by: ham
9

HAS ANYONE SEEN MY CAPSLOCK?!!

Submitted by: ham
3

I feel like a pelican, no matter which way I turn, there is always a huge bill in front of my face.
When you get a deep cut, you get worried when you start bleeding. I would be more worried if it didn’t start to bleed actually.
A treehouse doesn’t have a kitchen, a bedroom, a hallway, a bathroom, a porch, doors, or even a chimney, so please. Just call it a tree box.

Submitted by: ME
3

When curiosity sees a bright red button that says “Don’t push”, it only reads the second word.

Submitted by: ME
6

If Mickey is a mouse, Minnie is a mouse, Donald is a duck, goofy is a dog, then what the heck is going on with Pluto? Is Mickey keeping a mentally handicapped guy as a pet?

Submitted by: edward
4

What did the stop light say to the car?
Don’t look I’m changing.

Submitted by: happy child
3

Some say the glass is half empty, some say half full, while they are arguing, I get a refill.

Submitted by: happy child
10

When life gives you lemons, don’t make lemonade, plant a freaking tree.
Sometimes I just stop and think, “Where the hell am I?”

Submitted by: unorganized social rebellion
6

The amount of people that confuse “to” and “too” is amazing two me.

Submitted by: mish
3

Dear Algebra,
Quit asking us to find your ‘x’, she’s not coming back!
Love, Me.
P.S. And don’t ask me ‘y’ either.

Submitted by: ~Blackheart~
11

When life gives you lemons, squirt the juice in Justin Bieber’s eyes and run.

Submitted by: Lord Slifer
7

What do you call a dog with no legs?
It don’t matter he ain’t coming!!

Submitted by: her..
3

It’s not the miles that wears you down, it’s the pebble in your shoe.

Submitted by: Hanny

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