Short Funny Quotes
If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?
If “poli” means many, and “tics” mean bloodsucking creatures, then what does “politics” mean?
Teachers call it cheating, students call it teamwork.
I’m not evil, I’m god with a twist.
I didn’t hit you. I simply high- fived your face.
Unicorns are real. They’re just fat and gray and we call them rhinos.
An optimist is someone who falls off the Empire State Building and after 50 floors says, “So far so good!”
Math teacher: I have 5 bottles in one hand, and 6 in the other. What do I have? Student: A drinking problem.
Childhood is like being drunk, everyone remembers what you did, except you.
Omg I’ve just been drinking wet cement
and now I’m completely stoned
I am in shape…Round is a shape.
Dear life, when I asked if my day could get any worse, it was a rhetorical question, not a challenge.
The first sign of madness is talking to yourself, the second sign is replying.
Nine out of ten people like chocolate,
the tenth person always lies hehehe
People always tell you to never say never so just say I cant.
I know the secret of life. But I can’t tell you. It’s a secret.
An idiot is a 44th floor window washer who steps back to admire his work.