Short Funny Quotes - Page 14
Life is like a box of chocolates, doesn’t last as long for fat people.
I know a thing or two about procrastination. You know what, how about I tell you later. :)
Robber1: Hey! Who are you. I came here first.
Robber2: What!! I’m calling the police.
I have a dig bick.
You that read wrong.
You read that wrong too.
And you read that last sentence twice to make sure we didn’t troll you yet again.
15 out of 10 people exaggerate.
Smile. It irritates those who wish to destroy you.
Immature is only a word boring people use to describe fun people.
Guys- No shirt, no service
Girls- No shirt, no charge
You’re just jealous cos the voices only talk to me.
When you feel sad. To cheer up just go to the mirror and say, “Damn I am really so cute” you will overcome your sadness. But don’t make this a habit. Cos liars go to hell !!!!
What wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood??? What do you mean if a woodchuck could chuck wood?! Are you telling me woodchucks can’t actually chuck wood?!?!!!?!?!
I didn’t forget. I just remembered too late. ;)
What’s the deal with lemons? Why can’t life give us chocolate? Or homework passes?
If school is so helpful, explain why summer break makes me happy.
I still wonder why goods transported by a “Ship” are called “Cargo” and those by cars are called “Shipment”.
Apple wanted to make a iPod for kids. Apparently the name “iTouch kids” didn’t sit very well.
Duck tape is like the force. It has a dark side, a light side, and keeps the universe together.
Where did you meet your wife? At the family reunion?
If men are all the same why do girls choose their men.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get away from K. F. C. ! Xd.
I’m not mean I’m just stating the facts.
Toilet paper: highly useful, yet inappropriate as a gift.
How do you put an elephant in the fridge?
You open the door, and put him in.
How do you put a giraffe in the fridge?
You open the door, take the elephant out, and put him in.
So a lion, the king of the jungle, is hosting a party for all the animals in the whole world, and when everyone gets there, they’re all having a great time, but, there is only one animal who is not there. Who is it?
The elephant you put in the fridge.
So, your on a hiking trip and you come to a river, full of crocodiles, and you have to get across, and there is no way around and no way over it. How do you get across?
You jump in and swim to the other side. (All the crocodiles are at the lion’s party.)
You never hear anybody say “Lets Yahoo it”, just saying.
Business is the art of extracting money from another man’s pocket without resorting to violence.
– Max Amsterdam
When someone says “Can I ask you a question?” they didn’t really give you a choice.
Cool story bro. Needs a dinosaur.
Today I sweated more than lady gaga would when she’s trying to make a gospel album.