Short Funny Quotes
Business is stealing other people’s money legally.
Boy:Hi can we be friends?
Boy: Come on I’m rich.
Girl: Hi I’m Claire, 22 yrs old,single.
Boy: My name is rich…26 yrs old…can we meet for dinner?
Girl: Sorry I don’t talk to strangers.
The correct phobic term for the fear of long words? Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia (!)
I forgive and forget, because I have a good heart, and a terrible memory.
No one is as ugly as their driving license/identity card picture, nor as good- looking as their Facebook profile pic..!:D;)
Money doesn’t buy happiness, but it does buy everything else.
It is better to be rich & miserable than poor & miserable.
My ancestors didn’t fight their way to the top of the food chain so I could be a vegetarian.
I was born intelligent…..but studies ruined me……
You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said “Parking Fine”.
Never do anything that you wouldn’t want to explain to the paramedics.
When I was kidnapped, my parents leaped into action…they rented out my room.
If silence is golden, then random screaming in public places is platinum! :D
I will procrastinate later.
Technology made life easy, Humans lazy.
Me?? Stalk?? Nah.. I just observe.. At night… Behind a tree… Alone…
I hate when you offer someone a sincere compliment on their mustache and suddenly she’s not your friend anymore.
Seriously though, I cannot keep doing this every week!
My Reality Check bounced.
Your future depend on your what you dream, so go to sleep.
It’s recession when your neighbor loses his job; it’s a depression when you lose yours.
– Harry S Truman
It’s better to cheat, than to repeat…
The question of whether computers can think is just like the question of whether submarines can swim.
Fool me once, shame on me. Fool me twice, and you’ll end up in the hospital.
In the beginning God made the heaven and the earth. The rest was made in China.
When life gives you Justin Beiber, ASK FOR THE LEMONS BACK!!!
I haven’t lost it. I just misplaced it…somewhere on this planet.