Short Funny Quotes

Business is stealing other people’s money legally.

Submitted by: salehe hemedi

Boy:Hi can we be friends?
Girl: No!
Boy: Come on I’m rich.
Girl: Hi I’m Claire, 22 yrs old,single.
Boy: My name is rich…26 yrs old…can we meet for dinner?
Girl: Sorry I don’t talk to strangers.

Submitted by: just someone

The correct phobic term for the fear of long words? Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia (!)

Submitted by: Solberto_Coronavich

I forgive and forget, because I have a good heart, and a terrible memory.

Submitted by: Kuzai

No one is as ugly as their driving license/identity card picture, nor as good- looking as their Facebook profile pic..!:D;)

Submitted by: Suvidha

Money doesn’t buy happiness, but it does buy everything else.

It is better to be rich & miserable than poor & miserable.

My ancestors didn’t fight their way to the top of the food chain so I could be a vegetarian.

I was born intelligent…..but studies ruined me……

Submitted by: sakshi

You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said “Parking Fine”.

Submitted by: Pseudonym

Never do anything that you wouldn’t want to explain to the paramedics.

Submitted by: Ujjwal

When I was kidnapped, my parents leaped into action…they rented out my room.

Submitted by: Lynne
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If silence is golden, then random screaming in public places is platinum! :D

Submitted by: Robert Gonzalez

I will procrastinate later.

Submitted by: Chiz

Technology made life easy, Humans lazy.

Submitted by: Megha

Me?? Stalk?? Nah.. I just observe.. At night… Behind a tree… Alone…

Submitted by: Sosthy

I hate when you offer someone a sincere compliment on their mustache and suddenly she’s not your friend anymore.

Monday again?
Seriously though, I cannot keep doing this every week!

My Reality Check bounced.

Submitted by: milly

Your future depend on your what you dream, so go to sleep.

Submitted by: Ali Bakhsh Nasrat

It’s recession when your neighbor loses his job; it’s a depression when you lose yours.
– Harry S Truman

It’s better to cheat, than to repeat…

Submitted by: mariedy
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The question of whether computers can think is just like the question of whether submarines can swim.

Submitted by: Eeshan Usapkar

Fool me once, shame on me. Fool me twice, and you’ll end up in the hospital.

Submitted by: JoJo

In the beginning God made the heaven and the earth. The rest was made in China.

Submitted by: katie-renee

When life gives you Justin Beiber, ASK FOR THE LEMONS BACK!!!

Submitted by: Kim

I haven’t lost it. I just misplaced it…somewhere on this planet.

Submitted by: Brandon

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