Short Funny Quotes - Page 14
If school is so helpful, explain why summer break makes me happy.
I still wonder why goods transported by a “Ship” are called “Cargo” and those by cars are called “Shipment”.
Apple wanted to make a iPod for kids. Apparently the name “iTouch kids” didn’t sit very well.
Duck tape is like the force. It has a dark side, a light side, and keeps the universe together.
Where did you meet your wife? At the family reunion?
If men are all the same why do girls choose their men.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get away from K. F. C. ! Xd.
I’m not mean I’m just stating the facts.
Toilet paper: highly useful, yet inappropriate as a gift.
How do you put an elephant in the fridge?
You open the door, and put him in.
How do you put a giraffe in the fridge?
You open the door, take the elephant out, and put him in.
So a lion, the king of the jungle, is hosting a party for all the animals in the whole world, and when everyone gets there, they’re all having a great time, but, there is only one animal who is not there. Who is it?
The elephant you put in the fridge.
So, your on a hiking trip and you come to a river, full of crocodiles, and you have to get across, and there is no way around and no way over it. How do you get across?
You jump in and swim to the other side. (All the crocodiles are at the lion’s party.)
You never hear anybody say “Lets Yahoo it”, just saying.
When someone says “Can I ask you a question?” they didn’t really give you a choice.
Cool story bro. Needs a dinosaur.
Today I sweated more than lady gaga would when she’s trying to make a gospel album.
Virginity is not a dignity but a lack of opportunity.
In 1st grade when someone was in an argument the solution was to say sorry. Now that you’re in 11th grade, the solution is to transfer schools.
A criminal is not sorry for committing the crime, but he is very sorry that he is going to jail.
Years from now we’ll look back on this and laugh. If we’re out of jail by then.
HAS ANYONE SEEN MY CAPSLOCK?!!
I feel like a pelican, no matter which way I turn, there is always a huge bill in front of my face.
When you get a deep cut, you get worried when you start bleeding. I would be more worried if it didn’t start to bleed actually.
A treehouse doesn’t have a kitchen, a bedroom, a hallway, a bathroom, a porch, doors, or even a chimney, so please. Just call it a tree box.
When curiosity sees a bright red button that says “Don’t push”, it only reads the second word.
If Mickey is a mouse, Minnie is a mouse, Donald is a duck, goofy is a dog, then what the heck is going on with Pluto? Is Mickey keeping a mentally handicapped guy as a pet?
What did the stop light say to the car?
Don’t look I’m changing.
Some say the glass is half empty, some say half full, while they are arguing, I get a refill.
When life gives you lemons, don’t make lemonade, plant a freaking tree.
Sometimes I just stop and think, “Where the hell am I?”