Short Funny Quotes

My neighbor’s diary says that I have boundary issues.

Submitted by: dave title

School for 12 years, college for 4 more years, then you work until you die. Cool.

An optimist is someone who falls off the Empire State Building and after 50 floors says, “So far so good!”

Submitted by: Rachael :)

Unicorns are real. They’re just fat and gray and we call them rhinos.

Submitted by: Kassie

If the stuff that comes out of my mouth upsets you, just think of all the things I keep to myself.

Omg I’ve just been drinking wet cement
and now I’m completely stoned

Submitted by: iby b

I am in shape…Round is a shape.

Submitted by: Kezzer

Nine out of ten people like chocolate,
the tenth person always lies hehehe

Submitted by: awatea

The first sign of madness is talking to yourself, the second sign is replying.

Submitted by: Chocolate88

People always tell you to never say never so just say I cant.

Submitted by: Ne-Ne

Dear life, when I asked if my day could get any worse, it was a rhetorical question, not a challenge.

An idiot is a 44th floor window washer who steps back to admire his work.

Submitted by: Mahum

I know the secret of life. But I can’t tell you. It’s a secret.

Submitted by: Andrew

Did you know that 8 out of 3 people don’t get fractions.

Submitted by: George

The voices in my head aren’t real…my dog told me so.

Submitted by: Blayze

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