Short Funny Quotes

If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?
If “poli” means many, and “tics” mean bloodsucking creatures, then what does “politics” mean?

Submitted by: Laura

Dont face your problem if the problem is your FACE hehehe

Submitted by: Lyka

If the stuff that comes out of my mouth upsets you, just think of all the things I keep to myself.

An optimist is someone who falls off the Empire State Building and after 50 floors says, “So far so good!”

Submitted by: Rachael :)

Unicorns are real. They’re just fat and gray and we call them rhinos.

Submitted by: Kassie

Omg I’ve just been drinking wet cement
and now I’m completely stoned

Submitted by: iby b

I am in shape…Round is a shape.

Submitted by: Kezzer

Nine out of ten people like chocolate,
the tenth person always lies hehehe

Submitted by: awatea

Math teacher: I have 5 bottles in one hand, and 6 in the other. What do I have? Student: A drinking problem.

The first sign of madness is talking to yourself, the second sign is replying.

Submitted by: Chocolate88

Dear life, when I asked if my day could get any worse, it was a rhetorical question, not a challenge.

People always tell you to never say never so just say I cant.

Submitted by: Ne-Ne

An idiot is a 44th floor window washer who steps back to admire his work.

Submitted by: Mahum

I know the secret of life. But I can’t tell you. It’s a secret.

Submitted by: Andrew

Did you know that 8 out of 3 people don’t get fractions.

Submitted by: George

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