Short Funny Quotes
The first 40 years of your childhood are always the hardest.
Losers are those who have fun winners are those who try hard
I had superpowers until my therapist took them away!
Some call it stalking I call it love.
Why do I end up liking the guy I can only think of.
I was uncool before being uncool was cool!
Get like you? naw Get like me.
I called your boyfriend g*y…and then he hit me with his purse.
When I said “I’d hit that” I meant with my car.
Go buy yourself a life on e- bay.
Few women admit their ages a few men act theirs.
When Life Gives You Lemons… Throw Them Back And Demand Chocolate.
I Totally Just Made That Up 8 ]
If money grew on trees, girls would date monkeys!!!
You know how they say, “Don’t try this at home”?
I just go to my friend’s house and try it.
Can we go back to using Facebook for what it was originally for – looking up exes to see how fat they got?
– Bill Maher
Steal money from pessimists. They’ll never expect it back!
Relatives are like fires, the sooner they’re out, the better.
The number of people watching you is directly proportional to the stupidity of your action.
I talk to myself because I only talk to people of a higher class.
Diplomacy is telling someone to “Go to Hell” in such a way, that they look forward to taking the trip.
I just wanna be rich enough to have Morgan Freeman read me bedtime stories.
I hate People who are taking drugs,
Especially Police and Customs Officers
Why don’t you ever see Cupid with a girlfriend?
Be nice to nerds, because you may end up working for one!
There’s no half- singing in the shower, you’re either a rock star or an opera diva.
This is my life and I don’t let others ruin it !!… I wanna do it myself :D
I like poetry, long walks on the beach, and poking dead things with a stick!
Why is it that when something is delivered by truck, we call it a shipment, but when it’s delivered by ship we call it cargo?
If my room is clean, it means that my internet is not working.