Short Funny Quotes
If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?
If “poli” means many, and “tics” mean bloodsucking creatures, then what does “politics” mean?
Dont face your problem if the problem is your FACE hehehe
If the stuff that comes out of my mouth upsets you, just think of all the things I keep to myself.
An optimist is someone who falls off the Empire State Building and after 50 floors says, “So far so good!”
Unicorns are real. They’re just fat and gray and we call them rhinos.
Omg I’ve just been drinking wet cement
and now I’m completely stoned
I am in shape…Round is a shape.
Nine out of ten people like chocolate,
the tenth person always lies hehehe
Math teacher: I have 5 bottles in one hand, and 6 in the other. What do I have? Student: A drinking problem.
The first sign of madness is talking to yourself, the second sign is replying.
Dear life, when I asked if my day could get any worse, it was a rhetorical question, not a challenge.
People always tell you to never say never so just say I cant.
An idiot is a 44th floor window washer who steps back to admire his work.
I know the secret of life. But I can’t tell you. It’s a secret.
Did you know that 8 out of 3 people don’t get fractions.