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Losers are those who have fun winners are those who try hard

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I’m not insecure… I just don’t care.

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I had superpowers until my therapist took them away!

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There are some idiots who always answer “No” to every question, now tell me. Are you one of them?

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When Life Gives You Lemons… Throw Them Back And Demand Chocolate.
I Totally Just Made That Up 8 ]

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Money doesn’t buy happiness, but it does buy everything else.

It is better to be rich & miserable than poor & miserable.

My ancestors didn’t fight their way to the top of the food chain so I could be a vegetarian.

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I just wanna be rich enough to have Morgan Freeman read me bedtime stories.

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Steal money from pessimists. They’ll never expect it back!

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Who could be so cruel too put a ‘S’ in lisp.

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Relatives are like fires, the sooner they’re out, the better.
The number of people watching you is directly proportional to the stupidity of your action.

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I talk to myself because I only talk to people of a higher class.

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If others can do it…
..let them do it…

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It’s recession when your neighbor loses his job; it’s a depression when you lose yours.
– Harry S Truman

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My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I’m right.
– Ashleigh Brilliant

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I hate People who are taking drugs,
Especially Police and Customs Officers

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I like poetry, long walks on the beach, and poking dead things with a stick!
Why is it that when something is delivered by truck, we call it a shipment, but when it’s delivered by ship we call it cargo?

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There’s no half- singing in the shower, you’re either a rock star or an opera diva.

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During surgery: “God performs miracles. I don’t.”

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The more I study, the more I know, the more I know, the more I forget, the more I forget, the less I know so why study?

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Be nice to nerds, because you may end up working for one!

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