Short Funny Quotes

Unicorns are real. They’re just fat and gray and we call them rhinos.

Submitted by: Kassie

Don’t cry because its over, smile because his new girlfriend looks like a horse.

Omg I’ve just been drinking wet cement
and now I’m completely stoned

Submitted by: iby b

I am in shape…Round is a shape.

Submitted by: Kezzer

School for 12 years, college for 4 more years, then you work until you die. Cool.

If the stuff that comes out of my mouth upsets you, just think of all the things I keep to myself.

Seeing your ex with someone uglier than you. Awesome.

Nine out of ten people like chocolate,
the tenth person always lies hehehe

Submitted by: awatea

The first sign of madness is talking to yourself, the second sign is replying.

Submitted by: Chocolate88

People always tell you to never say never so just say I cant.

Submitted by: Ne-Ne

An idiot is a 44th floor window washer who steps back to admire his work.

Submitted by: Mahum

Dear life, when I asked if my day could get any worse, it was a rhetorical question, not a challenge.

I know the secret of life. But I can’t tell you. It’s a secret.

Submitted by: Andrew

Did you know that 8 out of 3 people don’t get fractions.

Submitted by: George

The voices in my head aren’t real…my dog told me so.

Submitted by: Blayze

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