Short Funny Quotes
Seeing your ex with someone uglier than you. Awesome.
An optimist is someone who falls off the Empire State Building and after 50 floors says, “So far so good!”
Unicorns are real. They’re just fat and gray and we call them rhinos.
School for 12 years, college for 4 more years, then you work until you die. Cool.
If the stuff that comes out of my mouth upsets you, just think of all the things I keep to myself.
Omg I’ve just been drinking wet cement
and now I’m completely stoned
I am in shape…Round is a shape.
Nine out of ten people like chocolate,
the tenth person always lies hehehe
The first sign of madness is talking to yourself, the second sign is replying.
People always tell you to never say never so just say I cant.
Dear life, when I asked if my day could get any worse, it was a rhetorical question, not a challenge.
An idiot is a 44th floor window washer who steps back to admire his work.
I know the secret of life. But I can’t tell you. It’s a secret.
Did you know that 8 out of 3 people don’t get fractions.
The voices in my head aren’t real…my dog told me so.