Funny Women Quotes and Sayings

You can tell a lot about a woman by her hands. For instance, if they’re placed around your throat she’s probably slightly upset.

The best way to always get the last word in any argument with your wife or girlfriend?
“Yes Dear…”

Submitted by: Craig Christ on April 12, 2011

To generalize on women is dangerous. To specialize on them is infinitely worse.
– Rudolph Valentino

For all men who say ‘A woman’s place is in the kitchen’ remember that’s where the knives are kept.

No man knows more about women than I do, and I know nothing.

I wonder why it is, that young men are always cautioned against bad girls. Anyone can handle a bad girl. It’s the good girls men should be warned against.

Despite my thirty years of research into the woman soul, I have not yet been able to answer the great question that has never been answered: What does a woman want?
Sigmund Freud

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I’d much rather be a woman than a man. Women can cry, they can wear cute clothes, and they are the first to be rescued off of sinking ships.
– Gilda Radner

Women are like cars, the better it looks the higher it costs.

Submitted by: K on January 25, 2012

One of the most difficult things in the world is to convince a woman that even a bargain costs money.
Edgar Watson Howe

I’ll never understand why once a month, women go completely crazy for 30 days.

A man may be right or wrong…but a woman is always right

Submitted by: abhinav on November 25, 2011

Girls are like smart phones when we finally figure them out they upgrade to a smarter version.

Submitted by: bro on April 14, 2012

I hate housework. You make the beds, you wash the dishes and six months later you have to start all over again.
– Joan Rivers

Only two things can change a woman’s mind:

1. I love you.
2. 50 percent discount.

Submitted by: simplaz on April 10, 2013
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A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.
Groucho Marx

Some women hold up dresses that are so ugly and they always say the same thing: ‘This looks much better on.’ On what? On fire?
Rita Rudner

The great and almost only comfort about being a woman is that one can always pretend to be more stupid than one is and no one is surprised.
– Freya Stark

When women go wrong, men go right after them.
Mae West

What a strange thing man is; and what a stranger thing woman.
Lord Byron

There are three ways to spread news: telegram, television, and tellawoman.

Women: Can’t live with them, can’t bury them in the back yard without the neighbors seeing.
– Sean Williamson

Women are an alien race set down among us.

From 30 feet away she looked like a lot of class. From 15 feet away she looked like something made up to be seen from 30 feet away.
– Raymond Chandler

Women are like elephants. Everyone likes to look at them but no- one likes to have to keep one.
– W. C. Fields

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I desperately want to go camping this summer. Preferably in a hotel. With a pool and a SPA.
– Some Woman

Men are nasty to each other and don’t mean it,
Women are nice to each other and don’t mean it!

Submitted by: Richard on September 6, 2012

Going through the Alligator Alley and looking at these gators reminds me of my Ex. All mouths and no ears.

Submitted by: Allen on March 22, 2011

As long as a woman can look ten years younger than her own daughter, she is perfectly satisfied.
Oscar Wilde

Women deserve to have more than twelve years between the ages of twenty- eight and forty.
– James Thurber

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