Short Funny Quotes - Page 3
There are 3 kinds of people in the world…those who can count and those who can’t.
Superman really isn’t that impressive, anyone can stop a speeding bullet at least once.
If you love something, let it go. If it doesn’t come back to visit, hunt it down and kill it.
The first sign of madness is talking to yourself, the second sign is replying.
Santa Claus has the right idea: visit people once a year.
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An optimist is someone who falls off the Empire State Building and after 50 floors says, “So far so good!”
Practice makes perfect but then nobody is perfect so what’s the point of practicing?
I intend to live forever, or die trying.
- Groucho Marx
A brain has two parts: the left part and the right part. My left brain has nothing right, while my right brain has nothing left.
True laziness is being excited when plans get canceled.
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Most popular things to do in an emergency…
60% Update Facebook Status
15% Record a Video, then upload it on YouTube
15% Update Twitter Status
10% Call Emergency Services
Inside me is a skinny person screaming to get out. But he shuts up when I eat cake.
I forgive and forget, because I have a good heart, and a terrible memory.
I stepped on a cheerio this morning… Does that make me a cereal killer?
Is it that we have to be smart enough to get educated or that we must get educated to become smarter…
He who laughs last doesn’t get it, and he who laughs first has the dirtiest mind!
Why do grandparents and grandchildren get along so well? They have the same enemy – the parents.
Quit asking us to find your ‘x’, she’s not coming back!
P.S. And don’t ask me ‘y’ either.
You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said “Parking Fine”.
Life is a game with a small fault…there is no “restart button” in it.
Can we go back to using Facebook for what it was originally for – looking up exes to see how fat they got?
- Bill Maher
If swimming is so good for your figure then how do you explain whales???
When I have children I am going to make them watch the movie 2012 and tell them I survived that like a Boss!
Anything you lose automatically doubles in value.
If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?
If “poli” means many, and “tics” mean bloodsucking creatures, then what does “politics” mean?
Don’t believe any rumor until the government denies it.
An idiot is a 44th floor window washer who steps back to admire his work.
I am in shape…Round is a shape.
I still miss my ex – But guess what? My Aim is getting better :D
Teacher: If you had five apples on your desk & the Boy next to you took three, what would you have?
Student: A Fight.
I love love love this quote!
If life gives you lemons, make lemonade. Then use the profits to buy an assault rifle. See if life makes the same mistake twice.
Smile, and the world will smile with you. Laugh, and they’ll think you’re on drugs!
How can the world end in 2012l when we have yogurt that expires in 2013?
I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
- Steven Wright
Sipho : Dr I have a problem of forgetting.
Dr : When did the problem start?
Sipho : Which problem?
You know how they say, “Don’t try this at home”?
I just go to my friend’s house and try it.
Education is what you get from reading the small print. Experience is what you get from not reading it.
A synonym is a word you use when you can’t spell the word you first thought of.
A mother’s menu consists of two choices: Take it or leave it.
Meaning of CLASS:
C => Come
L => Late
A => And
S => Start
S => Sleeping… Many of them don’t know the exact meaning.