Short Funny Quotes - Page 3

243

I’m an excellent housekeeper..Every time I get divorce I keep the house ;- )

Submitted by: ArmenianGrl
115

I am free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.
W.C. Fields

Submitted by: mina
95

Everyone has the right to their own opinion… Yours is just wrong.

Submitted by: Beth
38

If someone throws a rock at you, throw a flower back at them, but, make sure the flower is still in the pot!

Submitted by: Saadi
38

Would a fly without wings be called a walk.

Submitted by: blazinherb420
409

Why are they called apartments if they are all stuck together?

Submitted by: tara:littlestar
67

A picture is worth a thousand words, but only if you know that many.

Submitted by: katie
10

Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
George Carlin

219

My mind is like lighting, one brilliant flash, then its gone…:(

Submitted by: Carnivorus Sheep
42

If at first you don’t succeed, then skydiving is not for you.

Funny Quote: If at first you don’t succeed, then...

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Submitted by: Adrian
48

L.O.L has gone from meaning laugh out loud to I have nothing else to say.
Pandas are the least racist..they’re black, white, and Asian
Silence is golden. Duct tape is silver, blue, purple, orange and all those other colors now.
I’m afraid of my mailman……..he knows where I live!!

Submitted by: SUmmy
76

Don’t follow my footsteps I run into walls!

Submitted by: Laura
76

Never apologize for saying what you feel cos its apologizing for being real.

Submitted by: bonche
13

If you must lie, be brief.

Submitted by: Darby Gloria
65

Don’t kiss by the garden gate, love is blind, but the neighbors ain’t.

Submitted by: Klang
28

I know I’m in my own little world..but it’s ok..they know me here!

Submitted by: melissa
378

If you can’t get someone out of your head,
.. Then maybe they are supposed to be there. <3

Submitted by: daprincessishere
1

I hate how after an argument I think of more clever things I should have said.

Funny Quote: I hate how after an argument I...

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95

Bet you didn’t notice the the word ‘the’ has been said twice. :)

Submitted by: Bailey
20

The first sign of madness is talking to yourself, the second sign is replying.

Submitted by: Chocolate88
31

Superman really isn’t that impressive, anyone can stop a speeding bullet at least once.

Submitted by: Amnichil
6

I forgive and forget, because I have a good heart, and a terrible memory.
Funny Quote: I forgive and forget, because I have...

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Submitted by: Kuzai
85

There are 3 kinds of people in the world…those who can count and those who can’t.

Funny Quote: There are 3 kinds of people in...

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Submitted by: wise juan
183

If you love something, let it go. If it doesn’t come back to visit, hunt it down and kill it.

Submitted by: AL-X
38

I intend to live forever, or die trying.
Groucho Marx

Submitted by: Wes
24

An optimist is someone who falls off the Empire State Building and after 50 floors says, “So far so good!”

Submitted by: Rachael :)
49

Santa Claus has the right idea: visit people once a year.

Submitted by: Kazzaaa
802

1f you c4n r34d 7h15, you r34lly n33d 2 g37 l41d

Submitted by: Cigaro
35

A brain has two parts: the left part and the right part. My left brain has nothing right, while my right brain has nothing left.

Submitted by: exdevlin92
604

Practice makes perfect but then nobody is perfect so what’s the point of practicing?

Submitted by: devon

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