Short Funny Quotes - Page 3
I’m an excellent housekeeper..Every time I get divorce I keep the house ;- )
I am free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.
– W.C. Fields
Everyone has the right to their own opinion… Yours is just wrong.
If someone throws a rock at you, throw a flower back at them, but, make sure the flower is still in the pot!
Would a fly without wings be called a walk.
Why are they called apartments if they are all stuck together?
A picture is worth a thousand words, but only if you know that many.
Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
– George Carlin
My mind is like lighting, one brilliant flash, then its gone…:(
If at first you don’t succeed, then skydiving is not for you.
L.O.L has gone from meaning laugh out loud to I have nothing else to say.
Pandas are the least racist..they’re black, white, and Asian
Silence is golden. Duct tape is silver, blue, purple, orange and all those other colors now.
I’m afraid of my mailman……..he knows where I live!!
Don’t follow my footsteps I run into walls!
Never apologize for saying what you feel cos its apologizing for being real.
If you must lie, be brief.
Don’t kiss by the garden gate, love is blind, but the neighbors ain’t.
I know I’m in my own little world..but it’s ok..they know me here!
If you can’t get someone out of your head,
.. Then maybe they are supposed to be there. <3
I hate how after an argument I think of more clever things I should have said.
Bet you didn’t notice the the word ‘the’ has been said twice. :)
The first sign of madness is talking to yourself, the second sign is replying.
Superman really isn’t that impressive, anyone can stop a speeding bullet at least once.
I forgive and forget, because I have a good heart, and a terrible memory.
There are 3 kinds of people in the world…those who can count and those who can’t.
If you love something, let it go. If it doesn’t come back to visit, hunt it down and kill it.
I intend to live forever, or die trying.
– Groucho Marx
An optimist is someone who falls off the Empire State Building and after 50 floors says, “So far so good!”
Santa Claus has the right idea: visit people once a year.
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A brain has two parts: the left part and the right part. My left brain has nothing right, while my right brain has nothing left.
Practice makes perfect but then nobody is perfect so what’s the point of practicing?