Short Funny Quotes - Page 3
People tell me there is plenty of fish in the sea, well that is nice and all but I’m human, I don’t date fish .
The hardest part about business is minding your own.
If karma doesn’t come around and hit you in the face, I will.
Of all the things I’ve lost, I miss my mind the most.
Why is the slowest traffic of the day called “rush hour”?
Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
– George Carlin
Never judge someone until you walk a mile in their shoes. By that time, they’ll be a mile away and barefoot.
If someone throws a rock at you, throw a flower back at them, but, make sure the flower is still in the pot!
I’m an excellent housekeeper..Every time I get divorce I keep the house ;- )
Why are they called apartments if they are all stuck together?
Everyone has the right to their own opinion… Yours is just wrong.
A picture is worth a thousand words, but only if you know that many.
I am free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.
– W.C. Fields
Would a fly without wings be called a walk.
If you must lie, be brief.
My mind is like lighting, one brilliant flash, then its gone…:(
Don’t follow my footsteps I run into walls!
Teachers call it cheating, students call it teamwork.
Never apologize for saying what you feel cos its apologizing for being real.
L.O.L has gone from meaning laugh out loud to I have nothing else to say.
Pandas are the least racist..they’re black, white, and Asian
Silence is golden. Duct tape is silver, blue, purple, orange and all those other colors now.
I’m afraid of my mailman……..he knows where I live!!
If you can’t get someone out of your head,
.. Then maybe they are supposed to be there. <3
Don’t kiss by the garden gate, love is blind, but the neighbors ain’t.
I know I’m in my own little world..but it’s ok..they know me here!